


Fantastic Sharks and Where to Find Them

by jashinist_feminist



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Care of Magical Creatures, Crossover, M/M, Megalodon, Sharks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-06-11 14:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19539826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashinist_feminist/pseuds/jashinist_feminist
Summary: “Headmistress Tsunade, on the Hogwarts Express…Kisame Hoshigaki has smuggled a megalodon into the school.”It’s a new year at Hogwarts, and Kisame and Itachi are returning for their final year. But Kisame’s love of dangerous sea creatures and Itachi’s fierce desire to protect him could led to more than they bargained for…





	1. The Hogwarts Express

**Author's Note:**

> This is my little secret project i've been working on for Naruto Magic Week!
> 
> As soon as I saw Fantastic Beasts I was full of visions of Kisame carrying sharks around in his bag XD
> 
> As a heads up, to make the Akatsuki students, I have had to AGE THEM DOWN. I have to admit its been weird writing old Kakuzu as a school boy the same age as Hidan.

Kisame’s trolley squeaked through King’s Cross Station. He glanced around nervously, at the Muggles, as they bustled about on their journeys. His olive eyes flickered down towards his trunk, praying it wouldn’t rattle, or worse, burst open.

Kisame wove around several groups of tourists, gawking at the signs for the Underground. Having surpassed six foot when he was just fifteen, and having shoulders that filled out to create his large frame, made it an easier task than most to wade through the hoards.

He continued to make his way towards platforms nine and ten, glancing back and forth.

The bag that hung across his body splashed. Kisame ignored the sound, but spared a slight glance down to his left. There was a trail of water spilling and leaving a trail as he walked along, and the splashing grew louder.

Kisame quickly darted to the side with his trolley and then bent down to his bag, his eyes scanning around for more Muggles.

“Be quiet now, or we won’t get there,” he murmured. There was another splash in retort. “Don’t make me come down there – no, I know that’s what you want, I won’t come down and stroke your fins. You be quiet now, or I’ll have to leave you behind.”

The splashing ceased.

“That’s it, be a good boy now,” urged Kisame. He reached back for the trolley, and then carried on his route to the platform. At the ticket barrier, he glanced back and forth to check there were no Muggles looking, and then ran at the wall.

Immediately, he emerged onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters, where students and their families milled around. Owls screeched, cats stalked across the platform, and toads croaked. Trunks rattled, robes swished, and train doors slammed.

Kisame made his way to the usual compartment, and then heaved his trunk up onto the train, leaving behind the trolley on the platform. He hauled the trunk into the compartment, amidst some small protests.

“Sorry guys, but we’re on the train now. Pipe down, will you?” he muttered into the crack. He glanced out the window, knowing that they would be here soon.

The protests stopped, and Kisame sighed with relief. He laid his bag on the seat next to him, quickly folding up the side that was leaking water.

“They’ll be here soon. Be quiet, do you hear me?” warned Kisame. “I don’t want Kakuzu selling you to make shark fin soup – yes, I know you don’t like me mentioning that, I don’t like it either. But you need to be quiet and stay safe, you hear?”

The bag went silent. Kisame reclined back on his seat. No sooner had he done so, before a familiar face popped into the door.

Both of their eyes lit up.

“Hidan!”

“Kisame!”

Kisame climbed up and he and Hidan thumped each other on the back, before Hidan threw his trunk up on the luggage rack, and then sat down opposite Kisame. Hidan propped his feet up on the seat beside Kisame, by the bag.

“Have you seen any of the others yet?” asked Hidan.

“Just you,” replied Kisame.

“Aww, man, I can’t wait to see Kuzu! Wait – don’t tell him I said that,” Hidan suddenly nibbled his lip.

Kisame shook his head, and grinned even wider. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You’re a true gentleman, Kisame,” said Hidan. His eyes flickered over to Kisame’s bag. “Hey, whats in there? Its leaking.”

“Just my water bottle,” lied Kisame.

The next person to emerge in the doorway was blond and bouncy, even as they hauled a heavy trunk behind them.

“It’s me, yeah!” announced Deidara.

“Dei!” beamed Hidan. “How was St. Mungo’s? Did they manage to get the, er, mouths off?”

“Oh, you mean these, yeah?” Deidara lifted his palm, to show a mouth which he made blow a raspberry at them. “Nah, I decided to keep them! I think they look dead cool, yeah.”

“You’re keeping them?” Hidan raised an eyebrow. “Why are you doing that, Dei? I’m not going to wake up in the dorm to hear you playing with your-”

“Hidan!” protested Kisame.

Deidara dragged his trunk in, lifted it above his head, then sat down next to Kisame’s bag, kicking Hidan’s feet away from the seat where he propped his feet up. His catlike ice blue eyes fell on the Kisame’s bag beside him.

“Hey, Kisame my man, what’s in there?” he asked. “It’s leaking, yeah.”

“My water bottle,” Kisame lied again.

The door rattled, and a small petite redhead arrived, carrying a trunk that was nearly the same size as he was. He already wore his Slytherin robes, although there was no sense of pride, only practical necessity in his expression.

“Sasori, my man!” Deidara beamed, waving eagerly, the tongue lolling.

Sasori’s lidded eyes fell on him. “I take it you didn’t get those revolting mouths removed from your hands.”

“What’s wrong with them, yeah?”

“What do your _Muggle_ parents think?” scolded Sasori.

“I cast a Disillusion charm on them at the start of summer,” replied Deidara, gazing at his hand-mouths. “But now I can take it off. Want to see a French kiss?”

“No,” retorted Sasori. He pulled out his wand, and levitated his trunk into the overhead luggage compartment, before sitting down in the corner.

“Too bad, yeah, I’m going to show you anyway!” snickered Deidara, holding his hands up together as the tongues smacked and slurped against one another.

“They’re hideous,” Sasori wrinkled his nose.

“No more hideous than those scary puppet dolls you’ve stashed in your trunk. I feel sorry for Kakuzu, he’ll wake up in the night and find them all staring at him-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there to protect him!” announced Hidan.

“Like hell you will,” grunted a voice.

Kakuzu followed Sasori into the compartment, dragging his trunk behind him, and they both took the remaining seats. Kisame patted the bag, then abruptly stopped when he heard splashing.

“What’s in that bag?” frowned Kakuzu, turning around from where he was reaching to put his trunk in the overhead luggage compartment.

“My water bottle,” finished Kisame.

With the gang together, the train gave a jolt, and began to chug out of the station. Neither of them climbed up to wave, since there was no one to wave to. Kisame had never known his parents, Hidan’s parents disowned him, Deidara’s parents were Muggles, Sasori wouldn’t have wanted his grandmother to wave him off, and Kakuzu never spoke of his family.

Kisame watched the station disappear, the buildings surrounding the station disappear, and then transform into countryside.

“Hey, whats that noise?” frowned Sasori.

Kisame’s heart skipped a beat and he quickly glanced at his bag.

“It sounds like…rattling,” added Kakuzu.

Their eyes turned to Deidara, and his trunk above him. Kisame sighed with relief. Usually he would not have done so, given Deidara’s track record.

“Deidara,” warned Sasori.

“What?” asked Deidara.

“What’s in your bag?”

“Just some fireworks, hm.”

“Dei, you’re not seriously bringing those!” scolded Sasori. “Remember the damage from last time? The trouble you could have been in?”

Deidara’s eyes widened innocently. “But I wasn’t in _that_ much trouble…”

“Deidara, you need to get rid of them!” demanded Sasori.

“How?” asked Deidara. “Want me to send them out the window? Oh, that will get loads of attention from the Muggles, yeah.”

“You’re insane!”

* * *

Several compartments away, Itachi felt Sasuke snuggle against his shoulder, and he reached up and patted Sasuke’s spiky hair.

“You always wanted to come with me whenever I went away, and now you are,” said Itachi. “I wonder what house you’ll be in.”

“I want to be in the same as you,” insisted Sasuke, peering up at him.

“But Gryffindor would be pretty cool too, right?” asked Izumi.

“Hm,” Sasuke replied.

“What about the same house as one of your friends?” suggested Itachi. “Naruto will probably be a Gryffindor…or perhaps a Hufflepuff.”

“I’ll go home if I get sorted into Hufflepuff,” sulked Sasuke.

“Now, now! Plenty of good people I know are in Hufflepuff,” scolded Itachi.

“Well, not anymore. Not now that Shisui has been expelled.”

“Hey, there’s still Yahiko and Nagato!” protested Itachi.

“It will feel very strange without him,” admitted Izumi.

“I’m sure dad will keep him in line at the Ministry,” replied Itachi.

“If not dad, then mum, definitely,” added Sasuke.

“I still can’t believe he did that,” Izumi shook her head. “He just flew out on his broomstick, after Professor Danzo tried to expel him…”

“I think he was already expelled at that point,” said Itachi.

“We ought to watch our backs. Especially as you’ve got that,” Izumi pointed at the P pinned to the front of Itachi’s robes. “He’ll be warning you to set an example, especially as you’re a Prefect.”

“I sincerely hope he does not,” frowned Itachi. “It’s not like he’s our Head of House or anything…and Professor Tsunade wouldn’t let him do a thing.”

“He wants her out of that job and to have it for himself,” said Izumi. “Mum says it’s because he can’t stand to see a woman in charge.”

“Probably,” admitted Itachi.

Outside, the countryside had changed from the flat rolling plains of southern England, to the marshy terrain of the midlands. Itachi heard a growl from Sasuke’s stomach, and then glanced at his younger brother.

“I’m hungry,” complained Sasuke.

“I’ll go and get you some food,” said Itachi, climbing upright. “Izumi, do you want anything?”

“You know what I like, just grab the usual,” replied Izumi.

Itachi picked up his wallet and made his way up the train towards the refreshment trolley. As he strode closer, he realised that a certain someone was also making his way towards him. Itachi felt his cheeks creep pink, and his heart begin to beat irregularly. He shook his head, trying to stop it, but it was no good. He hadn’t seen him in weeks, and had no resistance to seeing him again.

“Hey Kisame,” Itachi managed, when they reached the trolley. His eyes roamed over Kisame’s figure, before noticing the dripping wet bag that hung over Kisame’s body. “Er…why do you have your bag with you like that? And why is it wet?”

“Oh!” Kisame flustered, and gripped the bag tightly. “Well…it has my wallet in it.”

“Yes…but why is it wet?”

“My drink spilt,” lied Kisame. “And because of the Muggles, I couldn’t fix it.”

“Oh!” Itachi realised. He stared some more. “That’s…a big bag. What else have you got in it?”

“Something to show you,” replied Kisame.

“What?” Itachi gaped.

Kisame turned furiously red. “Not like that! I have some…fossils from the beach you’ll like!”

“Oh!” Itachi blushed. “You went to the beach this summer?”

“I did,” said Kisame.

“Did you miss me?” asked Itachi.

Kisame swallowed. “Of course.”

“You…really should come and stay the summer. Mum would love you. She loves all my friends. Well…maybe not Deidara after he blew up at my uncles when they found out he was a Muggleborn.”

“I’d like that…but maybe next summer. I’ll think about it. Especially as next summer I’ll be…” Kisame licked his lips. “Out on my own.”

“Not on your own,” Itachi shook his head. “You have us. You have your friends. By the way, do you want to come to our compartment for a bit? Sasuke is here. And so is Izumi.”

“Sure! I’ll come by and say hello. Aren’t you going to come by and see all the guys?”

“First I ought to feed my brother,” replied Itachi. He helped himself to a selection of pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs, and other treats he knew his brother and cousin liked, and paid the trolley lady. He dropped them off, then headed down the train with Kisame to meet the other group.

Kisame continued to carry his bag with the dripping water, and Itachi frowned.

“Look who’s here!” announced Hidan, as soon as Kisame and Itachi entered the compartment. “Where have you been?”

“With my brother,” replied Itachi, sitting down in the seat next to Kisame. He sat up again, glancing at the damp patch. He patted away the water, and sat back down gingerly.

Left with nowhere to put his bag, Kisame was forced to lay it on the ground in the middle of the compartment.

“You got stuck babysitting?” asked Deidara.

“No, I like spending time with him,” said Itachi.

Hidan gazed intently at the bag laid on the floor in front of them.

“You know, Kisame, what is in that bag?” demanded Hidan.

Sasori and Kakuzu looked at it.

“It’s moving,” observed Sasori.

“It’s…stuff for Care of Magical Creatures!” Kisame quickly gabbled.

“You’re still taking that? But all Professor Jiraiya does is make you feed his stupid stinking toads,” scorned Kakuzu. “You should take something more useful. Like Arithmancy.”

“I’d rather feed stupid stinking toads than count stupid stinking money,” retorted Hidan. “And so would Kisame, right?”

“That’s right,” said Kisame, reaching out with his foot to pull the bag back, but Hidan was faster.

In one swift move, Hidan yanked the bag up into his arms. “Can I take a look?”

“No!” yelped Kisame.

But it was too late, as Hidan ripped open the lid. Suddenly, a large pair of jaws snarled, and reared out of the bag. The whole compartment shrieked. Water slopped out of the side of the back, causing a tidal wave to slap against the window.

“No, no, naughty!” Kisame cooed, trying to reclaim the bag. The jaws thrashed and snapped, trying to emerge from the bag. Kisame clutched tightly, trying to regain control of the wild snapping head of the beast.

Itachi flew across the compartment, and slammed the lid back down, forcing the creature back into the bag as it fought against him.

“Don’t hurt him!” cried Kisame.

“What the hell was that?” demanded Itachi.

“It’s a shark!” explained Kisame.

“WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU GOT A SHARK IN YOUR BAG?!”

“Keep your voice down!” Kisame urged, glancing from side-to-side and hoping the people in the other compartments hadn’t heard them. “And I like sharks!”

“You can’t bring that to Hogwarts!” Itachi protested. “That’s a deadly creature!”

“They’re cute when you get to know them!” insisted Kisame.

“Cute? _Cute_?” demanded Itachi. “It nearly bit mine and Hidan’s arms off!”

“He just wanted to nip you to say hello,” Kisame grabbed the bag from Itachi and cradled it, whilst murmuring soothing words.

Sasori lifted his feet up on his seat as the water lapped across the floor, rolling in time to the train’s judders of movement. He pulled out his wand, and then Vanished the water. The rest of the compartment put their feet back down, and relaxed back, watching the argument that took place.

“Kisame, you need to get rid of it,” stated Itachi firmly.

“No!” cried Kisame.

“Yes! Imagine if that gets out and attacks people!”

“He wouldn’t do that!”

“Yes he would! He’s a shark!”

“I can’t get rid of him!” protested Kisame. “He’s the last of his kind!”

“The last of his kind?” Itachi frowned.

“He’s a megalodon,” explained Kisame.

“A MEGALODON?!” demanded Itachi. “You mean he’s a TERRIFYING MASSIVE PREHISTORIC GIANT SHARK?!”

“…yes,” admitted Kisame. “He’s pretty sweet, especially once you get to know him. He likes having his fins stroked.”

Itachi practically leapt into the air. “You’ve been stroking his fins? And he hasn’t killed you?”

“He loves me! I’m dad!”

“You’re not dad!” insisted Itachi. “He’s a wild creature, and he belongs in the wild. Not at Hogwarts. You need to get rid of him.”

“But they’ll kill him! Hunters and poachers, they’ll want him for shark fin soup!”

At that, the bag wriggled furiously in Kisame’s arms.

“Sssh, sssh, I know you don’t like that,” soothed Kisame, rocking the bag back and forth.

“I have one question,” interrupted Deidara.

The compartment turned around to look at him.

“Yes, Dei?” asked Itachi.

Deidara turned to Kisame. “Where are we going to keep him?”

“I was thinking if we filled the bath-” began Kisame.

“How is he going to fit?” asked Hidan.

“Well, I can shrink him. I did to put him in here, and I enchanted the bag to be like his natural habitat.”

“That is all very impressive magic, but he cannot live in a Hogwarts bathtub. What if the teachers find him? Can you imagine? Professor Danzo will have you expelled. Like he did to Shisui,” Itachi folded his arms. “You really need to set him free. He’s not a pet.”

“I know he’s not, but he was all alone,” Kisame gazed down into the bag, and his lower lip stuck out sadly.

“Because he is a predator. He eats and kills other sharks, of course they’re going to leave him alone. Speaking of which, how are you going to feed him?” asked Itachi.

“I was giving him my dinner at the kids home,” admitted Kisame.

“Kisame!” scolded Itachi. “You must be starving…”

“No, I’m not!” lied Kisame. His stomach gave a loud growl. He shrugged. “All right, I am a bit.”

“Oh, take this,” Itachi thrust his wallet that Mikoto had packed with Galleons and Sickles at Kisame. “And get yourself some more lunch.”

“No,” said Kisame firmly.

“Kisame, I’m a gentleman,” said Itachi.

“Well, it’s not like we’re on a date,” scoffed Kisame.

Itachi blushed furiously as Deidara exploded into a fit of giggles. Sasori tilted his head interestedly towards him, and Itachi was instantly reminded of the ‘almost-kiss’ that happened between him and Kisame at his Uncle Obito’s wedding. And then there was the ‘awkward half-hug’ and the ‘accidental thigh graze’ and the ‘near hand-hold’ and countless other incidents over the years.

Kisame sighed heavily. “All right. You’re right. I’ll set him free. It’s not fair to keep a wild animal captive, I guess.”

“Good,” said Itachi. “I’m…going to go back and check on my brother and Izumi…whatever you do, don’t let that damn shark out.”

“But I want to pet him!” protested Hidan.

“ _No_ ,” said Itachi firmly.

* * *

The train pulled into Hogsmeade station, and they clamoured off, leaving their trunks to be collected and brought up to their dormitories for them. Itachi helped Sasuke down the steps of the train, and then out down the platform.

“First Years, with me!” shouted Professor Jiraiya, clutching a lamp that illuminated his white shaggy hair and waving to them. A toad sat perched on his shoulder, croaking every so often.

“I’ll see you later at the Sorting,” said Itachi, bending down to Sasuke. He ruffled his spiky hair, and then poked his forehead. “Remember, whatever House you get put in, you’re still my baby brother, ok?”

“Shut up!” cringed Sasuke.

“Go on then,” said Itachi. “Good luck!”

Sasuke flung his arms around Itachi’s shoulders, and Itachi patted his head, before releasing him to join the rest of the First Years. Professor Jiraiya led them to the lake, where there were a series of boats to clamour in. Itachi followed his friends, and sat in one the horseless carriages that carried them up to the castle.

Kisame sat with the bag on his lap.

“As soon as we get there, you’ve got to go and release it in the lake,” said Itachi. “Then it can swim back out to the sea where it belongs.”

“But I’ll miss him.”

“Get a cat!”

“They eat fish!”

“A toad then, or an owl,” Itachi folded his arms.

The carriages arrived, and they clamoured out. The rest of the group began to make their way into the Great Hall, while Kisame darted back out onto the grounds, making use of the dark sky and shadows. He wove from tree to tree, getting closer to the edge of the lake. When Professor Jiraiya and the First Years sailed past him, with both Itachi’s younger brother and a blond guy unhappily sharing a boat and both soaking wet, Kisame lay on his stomach, holding the bag in front of him, concealed behind some reeds.

Once they were safely past, Kisame crept to the edge of the lake.

“Itachi thinks that the lake leads out to the sea, but he’s silly. It only surrounds Hogwarts,” he said, speaking into the bag. He smiled toothily. “I’m going to keep you here and keep you safe. No one will ever hurt you.”

Kisame opened the bag, and held it over the lake. The shark slithered out, expanding in size as he did so. He flapped his fins, and then swam in a happy circle.

Kisame was almost delighted to see him in a bigger environment.

The shark swam up to the edge, and nudged his nose against Kisame’s.

“You be good now,” warned Kisame. “Daddy has to go and have dinner now, but daddy will come and see you in the morning, do you hear?”

The shark thrashed his tail.

“No, don’t make too many splashes. You have to be good here, do you understand?”

Kisame watched him slid back into the water and swim away, leaving nothing but ripples on the surface of the water, before darting back up to the castle. In the great hall, the First Years gathered in a ring at the front of the hall, around the Sorting Hat.

Itachi sat at Ravenclaw table, beside their friend Konan. Kisame took his place on the Gryffindor table next to Hidan and Deidara. Sasori and Kakuzu sat boredly on the Slytherin table, while Yahiko and Nagato applauded each new student as they were sorted into Hufflepuff.

As headmistress, Professor Tsunade sat at the head of the table, watching the sorting. There was Professor Orochimaru, the Transfiguration teacher and Head of Slytherin House sitting beside her, and Professor Jiraiya on the other side. At the edge of the table sat Professor Danzo, the History of Magic teacher. There was Professor Guy, who taught Muggle Studies, Professor Asuma, who taught Flying, Professor Kurenai, who taught Divination, Legilimency and Occlumency, Professor Yamato, who taught Herbology, and Professor Kakashi, who taught Defence Against the Dark Arts. Then there was Shizune, the Matron in the Hospital Wing.

“Haruno, Sakura!”

A pink-haired girl perched on the stool, and the Hat fell on her head.

“RAVENCLAW!”

Itachi and Konan both applauded, as Sakura joined their table.

“Rock, Lee!”

A kid with large bushy eyebrows stepped forwards and sat on the stool.

“HUFFLEPUFF!” shouted the hat.

Professor Guy stood in the air and whooped, and Lee went to go and sit at the Hufflepuff table.

“Uchiha, Sasuke!”

Sasuke clamoured up, and Itachi’s breath hitched.

The Sorting Hat perched on Sasuke’s spiky hair.

“Hmm…another Uchiha, I see! Now you certainly take after both your parents…there’s brains here…and bravery…but there’s also desire for more, to be as good as your brother, if not better…in that case…you better be…SLYTHERIN!”

Sasuke jumped up, and went and sat at the Slytherin table. Hidan stood and whooped on his chair.

“Sit down, he’s not even in our house,” scolded Deidara. “In fact, he’s in the enemy house.”

“Yes, exactly! Now I can pay him to piss off Kakuzu when I want to sleep!” grinned Hidan.

Deidara gave Hidan a pitying look. “Hidan…you don’t have any money…”

“Oh, yeah,” Hidan sat back in his chair.

“Uzumaki, Naruto!”

Naruto bounded up enthusiastically, perched on the stool, and the Sorting Hat fell on his blond hair.

“GRYFFINDOR!” yelled the Hat.

“Just like my mum, believe it!” Naruto cried, before running over to the Gryffindor table and sitting down.

Kisame cheered and clapped for both boys, all the whilst thinking about the shark in the lake. He turned over to look at Itachi, who seemed to have paled by the Sorting Hat’s revelation about his brother. Their eyes caught, and they seemed to exchange a conversation through eye contact.

_‘Is the shark gone?’_

_‘Yes. Are you ok?’_

_‘I’m fine.’_

At the end of the Sorting, Professor Tsunade stood up.

“Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I want to extend a warm welcome to those of you returning, and to those of you arriving for the first time. I hope these will be some of the happiest years of your life, and that you will feel at home here. Before we tuck into our feast, I have some announcements to make. I am delighted to inform all of you, that our Head Boy and Head Girl for the year, will be Yahiko from Hufflepuff, and Konan from Ravenclaw!”

“Congratulations,” whispered Itachi, leaning over to Konan as they applauded.

“Your timetables will be delivered to you first thing tomorrow morning, and lessons will begin immediately,” explained Professor Tsunade. “I would like to remind you that the Forbidden Forest remains out of bounds, and if any student is caught trespassing, could face expulsion.”

Deidara and Hidan looked disappointed.

“Now, let the feast begin!”

Professor Tsunade waved her arms, and the trays filled with food. The students hungrily scrambled for their dishes, and began to dig in.

“How was your summer, Itachi?” asked Konan.

“We spent time with mum, after she took some days off from work,” explained Itachi. “But mostly Sasuke and I stuck together. How about you?”

“I spent the summer here, with the boys, like usual. But one highlight included Dad trying to propose to Professor Tsunade and she punched him off the Astronomy Tower into the Forbidden Forest.”

“Oh dear,” said Itachi. “How do you feel about being Head Girl?”

“Truthfully,” admitted Konan, spearing her food onto her fork. “I am just dreaming of all the detentions I can give Hidan.”

Over on the Slytherin table, Kakuzu and Sasori both picked at their food as they discussed more urgent matters.

“So, are we resuming business as usual?” asked Sasori.

“Of course we’re resuming business as usual. I missed counting our weekly profits during the holidays. I just hope the stone kept during the holidays,” replied Kakuzu.

“I preserved and distilled the solution appropriately, it should have kept,” said Sasori. “Or at least, we will soon find out…”

After the feast concluded, the students sleepily wandered up to their dormitories. Itachi fought through the crowds to Sasuke, and quickly wrapped his arms around him.

“Get off me!” protested Sasuke. “You’re embarrassing me…I’m not six anymore! Go and hug your boyfriend!”

“My what?” gaped Itachi.

“You know exactly who I mean!”

“Kisame is not my boyfriend! I don’t even have a boyfriend!” insisted Itachi.

“Oh, let’s see how long that lasts,” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Night, Itachi!”

“Night Sasuke,” Itachi waved, before he felt Konan tap his shoulder.

“Come. We have to take the First Years up to the tower.”

He, Konan, and the other Ravenclaw prefects guided the new First Years up to Ravenclaw Tower. When they reached the bronze eagle, they waited.

“What leaves and remains?” asked the eagle.

“Death,” said Konan. “For the loss of your loved one, and your lingering grief.”

“Nicely put,” said the eagle, before turning away, and allowing the students to access the Tower.

Itachi showed the First Years to their dormitories, before climbing up to his. He pulled back the curtains of his four poster bed, and stared.

Glued onto the wall above the headboard was a portrait of Shisui, shirtless, proudly flexing his muscles.

Itachi gaped. “What is _that_?”

He flew at it, and dug under the portrait with his nails, trying to prise the portrait off.

“What? You think you can get rid of me that easily?” asked Shisui. “I put a Sticking charm on the back of the picture. You’re stuck with me now!”

“No! No! Why have you done this?!” demanded Itachi.

“Relax! This way we get to enjoy your last year at Hogwarts together,” replied Shisui.

“No, you are not staying here,” insisted Itachi, pointing his wand at Shisui. “And, for the love of all magical creatures, why are you shirtless?”

Shisui grinned. “Why not?”

“You are an idiot,” scolded Itachi. “In the morning, I’ll have Professor Orochimaru up here, moving your picture into his office!”

He grabbed a spare blanket from the bed, and draped it over Shisui’s portrait, as Shisui made several muffled protests. When he fell silent, Itachi crawled beneath his sheets, and closed his eyes.


	2. Shark in the Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisame and Itachi's first day back at Hogwarts begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, chapter 2! I LOVED writing this so much, and I hope you guys are going to love it too!
> 
> As a heads up, Hidan makes a sexist comment about Konan, and due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that I do not support or condone his statement or his behaviour in anyway. Hidan will get his comeuppance in a later chapter, which I believe is deserved :D
> 
> As a reminder, many Akatsuki characters have been AGED DOWN, apart from Obito/Tobi, who works as an auror in this fic.
> 
> My favourite character to write in this chapter was Orochimaru XD

The following morning, Itachi’s eyes flickered open to daylight streaming through the heavy velvet curtains of the four-poster bed. He sat upright, flexed his toes, and then glanced up at the bedsheet chucked over the picture of Shisui. He resolved to leave it like that, since in the mornings he was not in the moods for Shisui’s antics.

He still wasn’t quite over the revelations of yesterday. Kisame had brought a _shark_ to school with him, of all things. It wasn’t the first time Kisame had brought magical water creatures with him to school, but they had tended to be things like goldfish and water pixies. But they were harmless, and Professor Jiraiya gave Kisame housepoints for being so kind to take care of magical creatures in his spare time.

Well, it was gone now. Itachi reached into his trunk and pulled out his school uniform and socks, noticing that Mikoto had even ironed his socks. Itachi sighed, wondering why she would iron socks, but remembered that was her way of caring. He dressed himself in the privacy of his curtained bed, before pulling them back, and tucking the bedsheets into place. In the sunlight streaming through the windows of the turret that the Ravenclaw dormitory was located in, Itachi brushed his hair while gazing in the mirror, before tying it back in a ponytail. He remembered when he was a little boy, and would run his fingers through Mikoto’s hair, loving the dark glossy sheen and hoping his hair would grow like hers.

Down in the common room, Konan gathered a group of the First Years, and prepared to guide them down to the Great Hall. Itachi joined her, the P badge glinting on his robes, and they helped the younger students down to the hall. He wondered how Sasuke was, and if any of the Slytherin prefects were helping his brother to find his way. Or, failing that, if Sasori and Kakuzu were keeping an eye out for him.

In the Great Hall, over on the Gryffindor table, Hidan and Deidara were flicking cornflakes at each other, but there was no sign of Kisame. On the Slytherin table, Kakuzu and Sasori had their heads bent over a piece of parchment, presumably with numbers on.

Itachi herded the First Years into their seats, and then watched as owls swooped into the Great Hall through the window. Immediately, he recognised Mikoto’s owl, lugging two ginormous care packages tied to its legs. The owl dropped to the table in front of Itachi, nipped affectionately at his earlobe like Mikoto would have pinched it, and Itachi freed the package labelled for him with Mikoto’s writing on. The owl fluttered back into the air, over to the Slytherin table, where Sasuke awaited it. Itachi blinked, realising that Sasuke was surrounded by a new gang of friends.

He began to peel open the package, to find his favourite sweets, as if Mikoto hadn’t packed enough in his suitcase already, more pairs of ironed socks, and a long letter telling him how much she loved him and was proud of him.

“What’s this?” demanded Hidan, flinging his arm around Itachi’s shoulder, and grabbing the letter.

“Hey!” protested Itachi.

Hidan imitated a high-pitched tone. “ _I can’t believe my sweet baby boy is a grown-up prefect_?!”

“Stop it!” hissed Itachi.

“Awww, that’s so sweet!” cooed Hidan.

“Stop mocking my mother!”

“I’m not mocking your mother, I like her!” Hidan retorted. “Hey look, it says here in this letter that you have to give these sweets to all your friends. Dei – get over here!”

“No! Get the hell away from my dango!” yelped Itachi, as one of Hidan’s hands drove straight into the package.

“Hands off, Hidan,” commanded Kisame, practically hauling Hidan away.

“Kisame, hi,” said Itachi, realising that this was the first time since he’d yelled at Kisame to get rid of the shark that they’d spoken.

Kisame’s Hogwarts uniform was slightly torn, and there was a damp splash across the front of his robes. Itachi narrowed his eyes, but then remembered that Kisame was an orphan without a family and had to buy his own Hogwarts uniform. Unlike Itachi, there was no one to iron his socks. Chances were, he’d forgotten to go and buy a new one during the summer. But why was he...wet?

“Hi,” Kisame barely breathed.

“Why are you so wet?” asked Itachi.

Hidan grinned helpfully. “He’s really happy to see you.”

“ _Hidan_!” screeched both Kisame and Itachi.

“You’re so gross. Get lost,” ordered Itachi, snatching back his letter. His eyes scanned the paper, before reaching the end.

_‘Give my love to Hidan, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Konan, Nagato and Yahiko, and don’t forget to offer them some sweets. I packed enough for everyone to go round._

_Kisses to my big boy._

_Love Mama xxxxxx’_

Itachi stuffed it in his pocket and glared at Hidan. He would eat these later by himself. Hidan shuffled off disappointedly, and Kisame stood dripping in front of Itachi.

“Have you eaten?” asked Itachi.

“No,” Kisame replied.

“Sit here and eat with me?” suggested Itachi.

They sat together at the Ravenclaw table, and began to help themselves to the breakfast spread.

“That was really sweet of your mom to send you treats,” added Kisame.

Itachi opened the package back up, and then rummaged through. There was another pair of ironed socks with little miniature sharks sewn on. Mikoto had stuck a note on them.

_‘Give these to Kisame x’_

“My mum has sent these for you,” Itachi shyly held them out.

“For me?” Kisame’s eyes widened.

Itachi nodded, and Kisame accepted them.

Another owl came shooting through the window, and this time Itachi recognised it as belonging to his uncle Obito, an auror who worked at the Ministry of Magic with his father, Fugaku, the Head Auror, and the rest of the Uchiha family. The owl plonked down in front of Itachi, helped itself to his bread roll as Itachi unpinned the letter, then fluttered off again.

Itachi broke the seal and began to read.

_‘Dear Itachi,_

_How are you doing? I hope you’ve arrived safely at Hogwarts?_

_I’m busy at work as usual and helping to babysit Shisui. Your cousin is bright, but perhaps a bit too smart for his own good sometimes. Try and keep your head down from Professor Danzo. Remember you don’t have long left at school. Work hard, do your best, and don’t let him catch you out. It’s one more year._

_Apparently, in the Department of Magical Creatures, there have been reports of megalodons swimming off the east coast of England. I think it’s silly, but don’t you have a friend who likes sea creatures?_

_Anyway, I’ve attached a picture of your new little cousin. Show Sasuke and Izumi, I’m sure they’d like to meet him/her._

_Love Uncle Tobi and Aunty Rin x’_

Itachi pulled out the attached picture, to find a tiny squirming figure peacefully adrift in amniotic fluid.

“Ohhh,” Kisame stared over his shoulder. “A baby.”

“That was fast,” stated Itachi.

“They did get married last summer,” replied Kisame.

“I remember,” said Itachi, immediately recalling the ceremony.

Last summer, Obito and Rin had gotten married, and the whole Uchiha clan had arrived to celebrate. Shisui, Itachi, Izumi and Sasuke all complained that it was going to be boring, and so Obito, playing ‘the cool uncle’ told them they could invite a friend. Itachi invited Kisame because he knew Kisame had no family to invite him to such events.

They all drank butterbeer, and by the end of the evening, both Itachi and Kisame were very tipsy. They staggered around the dancehall together and then drawn in by the intoxicating warmth of the other, slowly tilted their heads together, Itachi tiptoed up, Kisame bent down…

And then Rin threw the bouquet and hit them both in the face.

They’d sprung apart immediately while Mikoto drunkenly rambled about how much she couldn’t wait to see her baby grow up and get married. Itachi didn’t know if he and Kisame would have really kissed if it hadn’t been for the bouquet. He wondered which of the options he would have preferred. How it would have changed things.

Although maybe making out in front of his parents would probably have given Fugaku a heart attack…

“I should show Sasuke,” said Itachi.

Kisame nodded, as Itachi tucked away both letters and the picture of the baby. They finished eating side by side, arms grazing lightly, as they compared timetables. They shared a few classes, and a few free periods.

“It looks like it’s going to be a good year for you, Itachi,” said Konan, as she drifted over. “You’re a prefect, you’ve got a new baby cousin on the way, what could go wrong?” 

* * *

Sasuke stamped along the pathway of the grounds outside of Hogwarts. In one hand he clutched his new bag full of his new school books, and in the other, his care package from Mikoto.

“So you’re a Slytherin now, huh?”

“Go away, Naruto,” ordered Sasuke.

Naruto bounded in front of Sasuke. “Why did the Sorting Hat put you in Slytherin?”

“Because I am one, duh,” retorted Sasuke.

“But I thought we were going to be in class together,” protested Naruto.

“Well, we’re not. Get over it.”

“Hey!” Naruto protested again. He darted around and ran in front of Sasuke, whilst clutching his sandwich out in front him. “Hey! We’re meant to be friends!”

“Were friends,” corrected Sasuke. “Slytherin and Gryffindor are enemies.”

“Slytherin are the bad guys,” stated Naruto.

“Most my family tend to be Slytherin,” scoffed Sasuke.

“Some might call your family bad guys-” began Naruto.

Sasuke lashed out and grabbed Naruto’s sandwich. Naruto yelped, but Sasuke successfully prised it from his grasp, and flung it straight into the lake. He expected it to fall in with a plop, but instead, a set of jaws lifted from the surface of the water, and swallowed the sandwich whole.

“What…was that?” whispered Naruto.

Both of the boys stared.

“I’m getting Itachi!” Sasuke turned on his heel and fled, running back up the grounds, to where his brother sat with Nagato in the shade of a tree.

As soon as Itachi saw his brother running towards him, he closed the book that he and Nagato were studying from.

“Itachi!” yelled Sasuke. “There’s something in the lake!”

Sasuke practically fell down on the grass beside Itachi, panting for breath.

“What’s in the lake?” frowned Itachi.

Sasuke sat up. “Jaws!”

“It ate my sandwich!” added Naruto, catching up to Sasuke and falling down beside him.

Itachi narrowed his eyes. “…what?”

“Jaws in the lake!” cried Sasuke. “I threw his sandwich and a great big mouth came out and ate it!”

“It’s probably the squid,” said Nagato, ruffling Naruto’s spiky blond hair.

“No, there were teeth! Massive great big teeth!” protested Sasuke. “Like a…shark.”

Itachi’s face fell. “Oh Kisame…”

“Kisame?” asked Nagato.

Itachi bit his lip, remembering Nagato hadn’t been on the Hogwarts Express yesterday and hadn’t seen or heard about Kisame’s megalodon.

“Stay here,” said Itachi, climbing up.

“What’s Kisame done now?” asked Nagato, following him, after grabbing his bag and books.

“Sasuke, Naruto, go to class!” ordered Itachi, as he ran down the grass. Nagato ran after him, and they circled the lake, looking for signs of movement.

Soon enough, they found Kisame, standing at the edge of the lake by the Forbidden Forest, flinging in strips of meat from the breakfast table that he had hidden in his bag.

“Kisame!” cried Itachi, as he grew closer. “ _I told you to get rid of the shark!_ ”

“Itachi!” cried Kisame, quickly flinging the piece of meat he held in his hand into the lake. The shark leapt up and snatched it, but Itachi caught exact sight of it. “I did! I put him in the lake, like you told me to!”

Itachi tugged at his ponytail. “No, I said get rid of it!”

“But I can’t!” protested Kisame.

“Why not? He’s a wild creature!”

“The lake doesn’t go back to the sea. It just goes around the castle,” Kisame waved his hand around it. “He has to stay here.”

“No, he can’t!”

“He needs to go,” added Nagato. “He’s endangering students and staff alike.”

Kisame narrowed his eyes. “More like they’re endangering him.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s the last of his kind,” explained Kisame. “People hunt megalodons. Because they have big teeth and their fins are used for soup and they kill them just for fun because they’re evil. I rescued him when I was at the orphanage and they took us on holiday to the sea. He came to the edge of the waters to meet me. He likes me!”

“How is that a megalodon?” asked Nagato, pointing at the snapping jaws. “They’re meant to be huge.”

“I shrunk him,” replied Kisame.

“You managed to shrink a megalodon?!” Nagato gaped.

“I did,” said Kisame shyly.

“That’s…powerful magic,” stated Nagato. “I would have thought only dad or Professor Orochimaru or Professor Tsunade could do something like that.”

“Well, they are all on Chocolate Frog cards,” said Kisame. “I just couldn’t leave him. He was on his own, and what if someone hurt him?”

“No one would hurt him, he’s a predator,” stated Itachi.

“Muggles would get guns and harpoons and stuff him and put him in a museum!” protested Kisame. “And wizards would use avada kedava on him all at once.”

“Kisame, what are you going to do when he gets too hungry for sandwiches and starts attacking people?” demanded Itachi.

Kisame looked sheepish. “He won’t attack people…”

“He will attack people!” said Itachi firmly. “Megalodons feast on other sharks. But there aren’t any, which leaves the next biggest thing – _people_.”

“He hasn’t eaten me and I’m six foot four,” sulked Kisame.

“Yet,” said Itachi. “What will we do when people start to notice him? How are you going to say ‘oh hi Professor Danzo, I see my pet shark has just bitten you on the backside!’”

Kisame scratched the back of his head. “That would be pretty funny if you ask me…”

“No, it’s not!” cried Itachi. “You would be expelled faster than Shisui.”

“I can always ask dad for help with this…magical creature,” said Nagato quietly. “And maybe arrange to have it removed from the grounds safely and appropriately. But a megalodon would be classified as XXXXX on a danger scale. Kisame…you are going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble for this already.”

“But its magical conservation!” protested Kisame.

“Kisame, you are a student, not a magizoologist,” replied Nagato.

“What are you three children doing, hanging around by the lake?” Orochimaru swished along the pathway in a pair of deep burgundy silk robes, gazing at them with his yellow eyes.

“Professor Orochimaru!” Itachi quickly turned around, and stood in front of the lake, as if his slender, lithe figure was going to be enough to conceal a shark-eating shark. “We were…”

“Studying,” said Nagato.

“Sure,” said Itachi, holding up his book. “Studying.”

“Its lovely out here by the lake,” Kisame added helpfully.

Orochimaru smiled at them, his yellow eyes glancing sideways at the water. “I have just one question.”

“Yes,” replied Itachi cautiously.

They waited with baited breaths.

“Do you think these robes go with these shoes?” asked Orochimaru, lifting the hem of his robes and showing them a pair of shoes by a famous Muggle designer.

“Beautiful,” stated Itachi.

“They’re lovely,” added Nagato.

“Where did you get them?” asked Kisame.

“Oh, during the holidays I went over to Oxford Street in London with some friends to go and see some of the Muggle designer fashions, and I fell head over heels in love with this pair in Prada, but I wasn’t sure if it was really me, so then I went to Givenchy and Dolce and Gabbana, and then Dior, and Chanel, and I found these absolute darlings. They were so good I didn’t even bother to put them in reserve and wait for the sale, and now…” Orochimaru proudly gazed down.

“Haven’t you got classes to teach?” asked Nagato.

“That’s right!” said Orochimaru. “But I was giving it a few moments as I want to play the snake trick on the First Years.”

Itachi remembered the snake trick. It was his first ever Transfiguration class, and they were all sitting down waiting for the teacher to arrive. Professor Orochimaru waited until ten minutes had passed, and then a snake slithered under the doorway, up the aisle of the classroom, while the students screamed and shrieked.

At the front of the class, Orochimaru transformed out of his Animagus snake form and into his usual form, while the class ceased shrieking. They calmed down and quietened, as Orochimaru announced himself as the Transfiguration teacher, and an Animagus, and the Head of Slytherin house.

“Anyway, it’s been a good five minutes, and so I’ll go and treat the children,” Orochimaru sashayed around. “I think your little brother is in my class today, after being Sorted into my house. My, my, he’s so cute! I want to pinch his cheeks.”

“Eww,” breathed Itachi, once Orochimaru had left.

Across the grounds, they caught sight of Professor Jiraiya emerging from his hut to begin his lesson on Care of Magical Creatures, and over on the Quidditch pitch, Professor Asuma was giving a lesson on Flying.

“We better get to class, otherwise people will be suspicious that we’re hanging around here,” said Nagato.

“You’re right,” agreed Itachi. They grabbed their stuff, but not before Kisame threw the entire bag of food he stole for the shark into the lake, and then blew kisses at it. Itachi grimaced, and they ran the rest of the way back into the castle.

Itachi struggled for the rest of the morning. He kept thinking about how Sasuke was doing on his first day, about Kisame’s megalodon and what would become of it, and about his family back home. In Defence Against the Dark Arts, he couldn’t help but tune out Professor Kakashi and think about what his Uncle Obito said about megalodons being spotted off the east coast of England.

“All right guys, we’re going to be learning the Patronus Charm today!” announced Professor Kakashi. “Does anyone know what it is?”

“It’s the shit for scaring off the dementors at Azkaban!” called out Hidan.

“Yes, thank you, Hidan,” said Professor Kakashi. “It’s a charm for repelling dementors. Its typically very advanced magic, however in recent years, we’ve been teaching it to younger students for self-defence purposes.”

There were a few murmurs. Kakashi cleared his throat.

“Does anyone know what the actual charm is?” asked Professor Kakashi. “No? Or are you reluctant to say it out loud? The charm is, Expecto Patronum. Say it with me.”

“Expecto patronum,” droned the class.

“A bit more enthusiasm?” asked Professor Kakashi.

“Expecto patronum!” shouted the class.

“Better,” said Kakashi. “Now, once the charm has been cast, your patronus will take the form of an animal or magical creature that suits your personality. For example, Professor Orochimaru’s patronus is a snake.”

“What a surprise,” muttered Sasori.

“Whereas Professor Jiraiya’s patronus is a toad!” finished Kakashi.

“Professor, what’s your patronus?” asked Deidara loudly.

“Mine is a pug,” mumbled Kakashi.

The class burst out laughing.

“Not every wizard is capable of producing a corporeal patronus,” explained Kakashi. “So that’s why we are teaching them to you at a younger age, to give you a bit more time to practise.”

Kakashi waved his wand, and the desks cleared away to the side of the room. The students stood up, and Kakashi removed the chairs to the side of the room.

“Line up, and give each other plenty of space!” ordered Kakashi.

Itachi found himself standing between Nagato and Kisame. He knew a bit about the Patronus Charm already, as his parents were aurors and cast it on a regular basis to communicate with the rest of the aurors.

“Before we start casting out Patronuses, the first thing you have to do, is imagine the happiest memory of your life!” announced Professor Kakashi.

Itachi thought for a moment, and settled on the day that Sasuke was born and he held him for the first time.

“Like what?” asked Yahiko, glancing around at everyone as concentrated on thinking of happy memories. “How happy does it have to be?”

“Just remember the first time you saw Konan naked!” shouted Hidan.

The class fell silent.

“Great idea, Hidan,” said Konan herself. “Why don’t you remember your first wet dream about Kakuzu?”

The whole class exploded in laughter while Hidan flushed pink.

“That’s not a happy memory!” shouted Hidan.

“But it is a memory of yours?” asked Konan.

Hidan groaned, realising that she had outwitted him.

“Be quiet!” shouted Professor Kakashi.

“I’m going to imagine setting Sasori’s ugly puppet collection on fire!” announced Deidara.

“I would have imagined your first wet dream about Itachi would be more effective,” retorted Sasori.

“Hey!” shrieked Deidara, as Itachi raised his eyebrows, totally unimpressed, at Deidara.

“All of you, stop!” ordered Professor Kakashi. “You’re meant to be seventh year students!”

The class fell silent.

“Now, let’s try out the spell,” said Kakashi. “Expecto patronum!”

A few silvery wisps spilled from the tips of everyone’s wands.

“If it’s not working, try a different memory!” suggested Kakashi.

Itachi rummaged through his collection of memories. It was no good trying to imagine cuddling baby Sasuke when all he could think about was Kisame’s shark. If Itachi liked betting, he would put his money on Kisame’s happiest memory involving a dangerous sea creature of some sort.

Kisame…

Itachi’s mind was taken back to Obito and Rin’s wedding, the way his heartbeat slowed and thumped at the way Kisame’s chest pressed against his, his warm arms wrapped around Itachi’s shoulders, and…

“Well done Itachi!” exclaimed Kakashi, as a silvery weasel bounded around the class. “You’re the first in the class to produce a patronus!”

“Of course Mr. Perfect Prefect can do it first try,” scoffed Deidara.

“Dei, why don’t you just imagine the biggest, most giant explosion in all of humanity?” suggested Hidan, waving his wand haphazardly as streams of silver shot out the tip. “Right now, I’m just imagining wiping my arse with Kakuzu’s money!”

“I’m remembering all the times I’ve throttled you,” retorted Kakuzu. “And imagining what a wonderful world it would be if you’d died.”

“That is not how the patronus charm works!” scolded Kakashi. “Killing people is not happy!”

Within another five minutes, Konan had managed to produce a patronus that took the form of a bird, and Nagato produced one as well. Sasori managed to produce a scorpion patronus, and his eyes merely glinted when asked what his happy memory was. Deidara took Hidan’s advice, and a silvery owl swooped across the room, that resembled one of his clay creations. Hidan’s wand was still spilling silvery wisps across the room.

Beside Itachi, Kisame had yet to even begin casting his patronus. When Itachi glanced at him, he noticed Kisame’s cheeks were tinged pink.

“What’s your patronus, Kisame?” asked Deidara. “Why don’t you remember the time we carried Hidan’s mattress out the dormitory and down the stairs and put him in the Great La-”

“Hey!” protested Hidan.

Kisame glanced to the side at Itachi, and then quickly turned away. He waved his wand, muttered the incantation, and soon a shark swam around the room happily.

“Oh, I knew it!” exclaimed Deidara.

Itachi wondered why Kisame had looked at him and then turned so embarrassed.

At the front of the class, Kakashi clapped his hands together. “All right, everybody, that’s us out of time! We’ll continue practising patronuses next class until hopefully all of you can produce at least a corporeal patronus. Maybe while you’re out of the class and not feeling pressured, try and think of as many happy memories as you can, and try them for next time.”

He waved his wand, and all the tables and chairs resumed their normal position. 

* * *

Back in the Ravenclaw common room, Itachi climbed up on his bed, and tugged the sheet that hid Shisui’s picture. It fell down, to reveal Shisui flexing his muscles.

“Really, Shisui?” Itachi rolled his eyes.

“Itachi!” beamed Shisui.

“I need you to do me a favour,” said Itachi.

“Oh?” asked Shisui. “Such as?”

“I need you to look at the files at the Ministry of Magic,” said Itachi. “I need you to tell me all you can find out about megalodons.”

“Megalodons? But they’re extinct,” replied Shisui.

“Or so they say,” said Itachi. He swallowed nervously. “And…while you’re there…I need you to look for any files possibly relating to Kisame Hoshigaki.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND.”

Shisui grinned. “You know you like him…I saw you two at Uncle Obito’s-”

“SHUT UP!” yelled Itachi. “Just…look for the files, and tell me what you find.”

“All right,” sighed Shisui. “I guess I can say I’m doing older cousin duty by doing a background check on a boy who my baby cousin wants to date.”

“Whatever you say, Shisui,” said Itachi, picking up the sheet to hang it back over the frame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg! What will Shisui find out about Kisame and megalodons? Any guesses?


	3. Midnight Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kisame realises the downsides of keeping a shark in the lake...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's the 1st September, how could I not update my HP/Naruto crossover au?
> 
> Anyway, let's go and see how Kisame is holding up when it comes to hiding his shark XD

Kisame laid down on his four poster bed, and listened as Deidara and Hidan enchanted pillows to beat the other. They were both screeching with laughter, and then through the velvet curtains, noticed them fall backwards in a giggling heap on Hidan’s bed.

Hidan reached across, and began to play with Deidara’s long hair. Deidara shuffled closer, and pulled his hair out of his half ponytail so that Hidan could massage his scalp.

“Couldn’t you really think of a happy memory at all?” asked Deidara, closing his eyes blissfully.

“No,” admitted Hidan.

“Surely there’s something.”

“Not really.”

Deidara rolled over onto his stomach. “What about when you were a kid?”

“Definitely not,” said Hidan.

“How about the first day you met me?” Deidara offered Hidan a frighteningly wide grin.

“That would be my worst nightmare!” scoffed Hidan, giving Deidara a shove, so that he practically fell off the bed.

Kisame watched as Hidan grabbed Deidara and hauled him back, as they reclined side by side. Deidara ran his fingers along Hidan’s forearm, where Hidan had pushed his shirt sleeves up.

“Was it really that bad, as a kid?” Deidara asked, his low voice softened.

“They sent aurors in the end,” said Hidan. “Normally they send a teacher to tell the muggleborn kids…but there were aurors. I had to be removed from my parents’ house and the whole street had to be obliviated. It really was that bad.”

“Where do you go in the summer?” asked Deidara. “Do you go back to an orphanage like Kisame?”

Kisame played with the shark cuddly toy he kept on his bed. Unlike Hidan and Deidara, he’d never known his parents. All he knew was that he’d been abandoned as a child and found by muggle authorities. If he closed his eyes and cast his mind back, he could hear the sound of water lapping, the sounds of shouting, and then his own, mournful cry.

If he closed his eyes and cast his mind further back, he could hear the waves crashing against the shore, his excited shrieks, and the gentle cooing of two voices, and just the warm feel of love wrapped around him.

When he was found, he was brought to an orphanage, and there he grew up, until Professor Tsunade herself turned up and told them that he would be attending boarding school as per his late parents’ wishes. Aside with him, Professor Tsunade told him he was a wizard. It made simple sense – Kisame remembered all the random things he’d managed to do without lifting a finger.

When he was little, the guardians of the orphanage took him and some children to the aquarium, and Kisame wanted to sit in the fish tank and get a proper look at the fish. But the guardians told him no, and Kisame wanted to sob with disappointment.

Before he knew it, he was sitting in the fish tank, and happily playing with shark pups. The owners of the aquarium had been horrified, and so had his guardians, but Kisame didn’t see what the problem was. They asked him how he got in, so six-year-old Kisame gave them all a toothy grin and replied “magic!”

Each summer, Kisame had to return to the orphanage and wait to come back to Hogwarts in the autumn.

A few years back, Itachi shyly approached Kisame, his dark hair falling into his dark eyes, and asked if he ever wanted to come and stay with him during the summer.

Kisame had turned bright pink, but ultimately felt unable to go home with Itachi for those long weeks. Itachi would want to spend that time with his family, not his weird friend who was always hanging over puddles of water to look for microscopic water creatures. And anyway, his brother probably wouldn’t like it if Itachi was hanging around his friend the whole summer, they would want to spend time together. Itachi’s mother seemed lovely, but what if she didn’t like Kisame trekking water through her living room? And Itachi’s father seemed…kind of terrifying.

But Kisame had visited Itachi. Once.

He’d gone to Itachi’s uncle’s wedding, and then nervously accepted all the butterbeer that the Uchihas pressed on him. And then, as the evening wound to a close, the sun slipped down, he and Itachi found themselves huddled together. Kisame wrapped his arms around the smaller boy’s shoulders, wanting to keep him warm in the cooling summer air. Their lips felt drawn together, and then Kisame was bending down, wanting to hold Itachi closer, feel his body in his arms…

And they were both smacked in the face by a bouquet of flowers.

Kisame swallowed, and remembered that was the memory he used. The happiness and warmth fluttering in his chest as Itachi gazed up at him with those hypnotic dark eyes…

“What about how happy you felt when Mikoto and Fugaku took you out of your parents’ old house then?” Deidara’s voice rang through the curtains.

“I was terrified,” said Hidan. “There were two strange aurors carting me down the road while I was kicking off.”

Kisame sighed, and cuddled his shark toy to his chest. He almost wished it was Itachi.

Itachi didn’t like the megalodon, that much was true. Kisame almost felt ashamed for bringing it to school, but he knew he had been right. It was too risky to leave him out in the wild where someone could hurt him.

Maybe Kisame needed to introduce Itachi to his new friend properly. Then maybe Itachi would love him as much as Kisame did.

“Itachi’s mum isn’t scary,” scoffed Deidara.

Hidan laughed. “Tell Itachi that…”

“But you saw this morning! She sends him care packages! She’s like, a proper mum!”

“I’m sure if you ask Itachi nicely he’ll see if his parents would adopt you.”

“Like hell they would!”

Kisame smiled to himself, sharing his pointed teeth with the curtain he gazed at. He tugged down his bedcovers and then snuggled inside. Both of his feet reached the footboard of his bed. When he left Hogwarts and finally found his own place, he was definitely buying a king-sized bed.

* * *

The following morning, there were hushed whispers as Kisame entered the Great Hall.

“Go back inside, children!” Professor Orochimaru herded a team of curious students back into the castle, with a grim look on his face.

“What’s going on, Professor?” asked Kisame, easily passing through the swarths of first and second years. “I have Care of Magical Creatures outside later.”

“Your lesson may be rescheduled,” replied Professor Orochimaru, with a grim expression on his face.

Kisame used his tall height to his advantage, and peered over the herds of students and out one of the higher windows to the grounds. He swallowed, when he realised what he could see.

Both Professor Tsunade and Professor Jiraiya bent over a series of tentacles splayed across the bank of the lake. The giant squid was bleeding profusely from several bites. They were both holding their wands out over the injured tentacles and chanting incantations.

Professor Orochimaru closed the door to the grounds behind him, and locked it with a spell. Kisame bit his lower lip, wanting to be outside with his shark. He had to be hungry, and Kisame would need to take him more food.

“Go and have your breakfast, children!” ordered Professor Orochimaru to the remaining students.

There was a light tap of a wooden cane, and Professor Danzo drifted into the hallway. Kisame immediately felt a sense of unease, remembering Shisui’s expulsion last year.

“What’s going on?” asked Professor Danzo.

“The headmistress is sorting it,” replied Professor Orochimaru firmly.

Professor Danzo glared at the students milling back into the Great Hall. Kisame knew that it was a matter of wills between the two professors.

The corner of Professor Danzo’s mouths twitched. “Perhaps the headmistress will require assistance.”

“Oh, not at all,” said Professor Orochimaru. “Her expertise is in healing.”

“Yes,” said Professor Danzo. “But perhaps not to run a school.”

“I can guarantee, Professor Danzo, that were it not for Professor Tsunade running this school, and instead it was perhaps an individual like yourself, I would not be teaching at this school,” Orochimaru glared at Danzo, before he turned on his heel, and sashayed away, his Chanel wizard robes billowing behind him.

As Orochimaru left, Danzo unlocked the door and peered out.

“Hmm…it appears that the Giant Squid, which has resided in the lake for hundreds of years, including while I was a boy, has been attacked,” said Danzo. He turned, and his remaining eye fixed on Kisame. “Do you know anything about this?”

“No, sir,” lied Kisame. “Excuse me…I have to go and have breakfast.”

Kisame ran inside the Great Hall, as pangs of guilt began throbbing inside his stomach. He’d always quite liked the squid – sometimes it let him tickle its tentacles and sometimes he even threw food in the lake for it. But it seemed impossible that his megalodon would have attacked it. Kisame was feeding the megalodon, and he’d shrunk it, why would it go for the squid?

He sat at the Gryffindor table, and stared at a piece of toast.

After a while, Kisame began to fill up a plastic bag of sausages, bacon, and the other things that his shark liked. He would have to sneak out the castle somehow and feed it on the other side to Professor Tsunade and Professor Jiraiya. Kisame’s stomach dropped when he realised that he would have to face Professor Jiraiya in Care of Magical Creatures and hear about the squid’s attack. Oh, he hoped it hadn’t been his shark…

As the entirety of Hogwarts school arrived in the Great Hall, Professor Tsunade marched up the aisle to the teacher’s table, and stood at her table.

“The Giant Squid in the Great Lake has been mysteriously attacked. Myself and Professor Jiraiya have treated the creature, and noticed that the wounds resembled bites,” Professor Tsunade glared at the students. “If any of you know why this has happened, I urge you to come forward.”

Kisame felt dark eyes staring at him.

“Well, as of this morning, while we investigate what has happened, the castle grounds are out of bounds. Care of Magical Creatures lessons will be cancelled for the rest of the day, and Flying lessons. For Herbology classes, Professor Yamato will collect you from the entrance to the Great Hall to escort you to the greenhouses,” said Professor Tsunade.

Kisame swallowed, realising that he wouldn’t be able to feed his shark now.

He stuffed away his food bag inside his school bag, and stared blankly at his food.

“Hey man, you look like you’re seen a ghost!” Deidara dumped himself down next to Kisame, and grabbed a croissant.

Kisame chewed silently on some cereal, and then followed Hidan and Deidara down into the dungeons, and towards the Potions classroom. Professor Anko arrived shortly afterwards, set up a stand on her desk, and then began the lesson of the day about amortentia, the most powerful love potion in existence.

“Now, everything about amortentia is meant to attract,” said Professor Anko, waving her hand over the simmering mother-of-pearl sheen liquid in the cauldron before her. “So, who can take a guess and answer me this? What does amortentia smell like?”

The class kept their hands down.

“No?” asked Professor Anko. “Well, I’ll have to pick someone.”

The class sat in silence, hoping she wouldn’t pick them.

“Yahiko!” announced Professor Anko. “What does amortentia smell like?”

Yahiko sniffed. “Well…I don’t know if this is the right answer…but I think it smells like Konan’s perfume!”

“Ew! It smells like blood to me!” Hidan wrinkled his nose. “Must be some strange perfume you’re wearing, Konan.”

“That’s enough!” Professor Anko clapped her hands together. “Both of you are correct. Amortentia adapts itself to smell like whatever the person finds attractive.”

The entire class laughed at Yahiko and Hidan, apart from Kisame. He sat silently, trying desperately to ignore the scent of sugared dango, freshly brewed tea, that was so obviously, painfully Itachi.

For the rest of the day, Kisame remained in a silent stupor, mulling over what to do. He spent his free periods in the library, and then when he spotted Itachi and Nagato heading in, clutching their study books, clamoured upright and darted out, back to the common room.

At evening dinner, Kisame stole more meat from the table, and stashed it in his bag. He pushed his food around on his plate, while Deidara and Hidan decided to tickle each other with spaghetti pasta. Professor Asuma stormed down from the teachers’ table to shout at them, only for Hidan to throw a fistful in his face and get detention for a week.

As dinner wound to a close, Kisame decided that regardless of the ban, he would sneak down to the lake and see his shark. It was hungry, and needed feeding. He wouldn’t care if one of the teachers saw him – the worst they could do was tell him off and take away house points. And it was only the second day of term, Kisame doubted Gryffindor even had any points yet.

Kisame climbed up, noticing that it was already starting to darken outside earlier in the autumn. He grabbed his bag, and hurried out the hall, towards the entrance.

“Kisame,” called a voice.

Kisame hurried. As much as he loved Itachi, and talking to him, he did not need a lecture right now.

“Kisame!” Itachi called firmly.

Kisame stopped and turned around.

“Where are you going? The grounds are out of bounds!” asked Itachi, walking up to meet him.

“Are you going to tell me off, Mr. Prefect?” asked Kisame. “Give me detention?”

“No,” said Itachi. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I need to feed my shark,” explained Kisame.

Itachi’s face fell. “The squid…”

“It wasn’t him. He wouldn’t have done that,” said Kisame. “I just have to feed him.”

“Do you have any idea of what kind of trouble we could be in?” fretted Itachi.

“Yes,” admitted Kisame. “But he’ll be hungry.”

There was a tapping, of Professor Danzo’s unmistakable staff.

“Go!” urged Itachi, and they ran out of the school and across the grounds. The one advantage they had on Professor Danzo was their youth and speed, and soon, they were beside the lake, concealed behind the shrubbery.

Kisame tossed several strips of bacon into the lake, and there was a bubbling, before a giant set of jaws snapped up and grabbed the bacon.

“Oh my god,” whimpered Itachi, huddling beneath a bush. “He’s _grown_.”

“Yeah, the, uh, shrinking spell looks like it’s wearing off,” admitted Kisame. He threw in some more of the meat he’d stolen, while Itachi watched him.

The lights on at the castle flooded on. Itachi’s eyes dilated with panic. Kisame glanced up, realising that they were about to be caught.

“Only one thing for it,” he announced, pointing his wand at Itachi. Itachi inhaled, as Kisame cast the Bubble Head Charm on him, and then himself. He grabbed Itachi around the waist, and then pulled him into the water with him.

As they fell into the depths, Kisame watched Itachi’s eyelashes fluttering from the rippling bubble in the water.

“What the hell are you doing?” demanded Itachi, as Kisame held them as they fell.

“They were going to catch us!” protested Kisame. “I saved our skins.”

“We’re soaked,” complained Itachi.

“But its amazing down here, right?”

Kisame watched as Itachi glanced around. Shoals of fish darted by, seaweed waved, and the moonlight shone through the dappling water, illuminating everything in a silvery light.

“It’s…kind of cool,” admitted Itachi.

Kisame grinned, showing his sharp teeth. He felt Itachi settle his grip on his shoulders, so that they held each other in an embrace as they allowed the water to guide them along.

Kisame felt a current of water pulling, and then there was his megalodon, swimming through the water to greet him. He felt at home and at ease, surrounded by sea creatures that he loved and with Itachi in his arms.

Itachi took a sharp breath as the shark tunnelled towards them. But all he did was brush against Kisame. Kisame released a hand from Itachi to stroke his dorsal fin, and the shark stopped moving, to enjoy Kisame’s petting.

“May I?” asked Itachi.

Kisame nodded.

Itachi gingerly put out his hand, and petted the shark’s fin. Side by side, arms wrapped around each other, they felt the rough scaly skin of the shark beneath their palms.

The shark moved again, swimming further into the depths, to find more of the food that Kisame had thrown in.

“That was magical,” admitted Itachi, his voice little more than an excited breath.

Kisame reached for him again, wanting to hold him close to his chest. He felt Itachi’s heart thudding against his, their breathing rapidly increasing inside the bubbles. Itachi tilted his head to one side, and Kisame tilted his to the other, and slowly, in the swaying water, they decreased that agonising gap…

The bubbles converged into one, and Kisame’s lips slid against Itachi’s. Their legs kicked gently back and forth, keeping themselves adrift in the water. Itachi’s lips tasted surprisingly sweet, as if they were powdered with dango syrup. The kiss began softly, with just gentle brushes of their lips, but soon took on a more frantic pace. Itachi parted his lips, and licked across Kisame’s lower lip.

Accepting the invitation, Kisame parted his, and the tips of their tongues lightly trembled together. Growing in confidence, their tongues dipped further into each other’s mouths, tilting their heads to rest on the opposite side.

It was just like at Obito and Rin’s wedding. Warmth settled in Kisame’s chest, even as the cold water chilled their bones. Itachi felt light and lithe in his arms. Kisame felt Itachi’s slender fingers winding in his spiky hair, running circles across his scalp. That only reminded Kisame of how much he’d always wanted to stroke Itachi’s silky black tresses, slip his fingers through the strands.

Eventually they broke apart, and finished by resting their foreheads against one another’s.

“Kisame,” said Itachi.

“Yes?” asked Kisame, combing his hands through Itachi’s billowing hair.

“You really do need to get rid of the shark.”

A weight plummeted to Kisame’s stomach.

“But you can see he’s perfectly safe,” Kisame protested.

“With us!” exasperated Itachi. “But he’s a wild creature and a predator. He should be out in the ocean, not here where he’s attacking the squid.”

“But there’s nowhere for me to take him,” admitted Kisame. “I can’t leave the castle, and if I release him into the wild…what if someone captures him, and dissects him? Megalodons are rare, thought to be extinct, thought to have magical properties…someone could hurt him.”

“Kisame, someone has captured him. _You_ ,” explained Itachi gently, laying his hands on both of Kisame’s cheeks. “He’s strong and a predator. He’ll be all right.”

“But how will we get him out?”

“I don’t know,” said Itachi. “But I know the longer we leave him here, the more likely someone will find him. And Kisame…you could be expelled for this. I don’t want you to be expelled. I can’t lose you too.”

Kisame shivered. Never before had he felt so…cared about, or a part of something.

“We’ll find someone who can help us,” offered Itachi. “We can sort this.”

“Who?” asked Kisame.

Itachi chewed his lip. “Professor Jiraiya? He’s Care of Magical Creatures.”

“He was looking after the squid,” said Kisame.

“Not Professor Orochimaru,” said Itachi firmly. “I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.”

“No,” agreed Kisame.

“How about one of my family members?” suggested Itachi. “They’re aurors for the Ministry of Magic, they’ll have some connections. Maybe they can arrange for someone to collect him?”

“Who’s the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures?” asked Kisame.

“A man who is only known as San,” said Itachi. “He studied and brought under control a giant cat-thing called Shukaku that was running riot through the country. Then gave it to his second-in-command, Rasa. His three kids come to Hogwarts here.”

Kisame frowned. “Isn’t Sasori in love with San?”

“Sasori is borderline obsessed with San,” stated Itachi. “Actually, forget the borderline.”

“Good point,” said Kisame. “I swear Sasori only took Care of Magical Creatures to try and get near San.”

The megalodon swam in a circle around them, the water beating against their bodies. Kisame and Itachi glanced up, at the moon shining through the water, before deciding it was time to swim up again.

Together, they swam to the surface, and broke free. The bubbles around their heads disappeared, and they swam to the edge of the lake. They clamoured out, and wrung out their dripping clothes over the reeds of the lake.

Kisame threw one last piece of meat into the lake for the shark, and then picked up his bag. Itachi shivered, hoping to have a hot bath when they arrived back in the castle. He and Kisame turned around, to be confronted by a pair of glowing yellow eyes, long silky black hair, and billowing burgundy robes.

“Someone’s been a bit naughty,” grinned Orochimaru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh! What's Orochimaru going to do? XD


	4. Magical Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Faced with Orochimaru, Kisame and Itachi have to make some speedy excuses about why there is a shark in the lake...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the first draft of this fic is officially finished, and all I need to do is edit and upload! Yay!
> 
> There's a cute Kisaita kiss, and we find out a bit more about Kisame's past...

Itachi and Kisame froze, and not just because they were soaking wet. In their escape from Danzo, they had completely forgotten that the possibility of bumping into another member of staff could happen. And they had definitely not anticipating it being one of the creepier members of staff.

“Professor…” Itachi swallowed. “We just went for a swim.”

He couldn’t believe how stupid he sounded.

“Oh, I can see that,” said Orochimaru, his burgundy silk robes rippling in the evening breeze dramatically. He clasped his hands together. “There’s nothing like romantic moonlit swim with one’s lover…back in the day, when Professor Jiraiya and Headmistress Tsunade and I were young, we used to-”

“Is that the time? I’m so sleepy. We better get back to the dorm,” said Kisame quickly, pretending to yawn.

“Night, Professor!” added Itachi, as he and Kisame began to walk past Orochimaru quickly. Neither he nor Kisame wanted to hear what Orochimaru was about to say next.

“Not so fast, my dears,” Orochimaru smiled, peering over into the water, his yellow eyes glinting in the moonlight. “What’s in the lake?”

Kisame swallowed. “Creatures.”

“What kind of…creatures?” Orochimaru smiled wider.

“The usual…” mumbled Kisame.

Orochimaru strode confidently to the edge of the lake, and then reached in his sleeve, pulling out a slice of meat. He slung it straight into the lake, and a set of familiar jaws snarled upright, grabbing it.

“You two had better explain,” he said firmly, turning around with his hands on his hips.

“We found a shark in the lake!” announced Itachi. “I have no idea how it got there.”

“Yeah…me neither!” added Kisame.

“I stayed at the castle during the summer months, when I wasn’t visiting my favourite Muggle designer shops. And there were no sharks when I last saw checked the lake before you lovely young students returned from your holidays,” said Orochimaru. “And with the attack on the squid this morning…it seems rather suspicious, my dears.”

Itachi and Kisame stared mutely at Orochimaru.

“Oh, there’s nothing to be ashamed about!” beamed Orochimaru. “I used to put much worse things in the lake when I was your age! I even opened the Chamber of Secrets to play with the basilisk, but then someone died. A pity, really.”

“You opened the Chamber of Secrets?” asked Itachi, horrified. “And now they are letting you…teach?”

“Of course, dear! I am a parseltongue!” Orochimaru smiled, baring his teeth. He placed his hands on his hips. “So. The shark. How did it get here?”

“I brought him with me,” mumbled Kisame.

“You brought him with you?” asked Orochimaru, raising one eyebrow.

“I found him during the summer. He was all alone, and I’m all alone, and I didn’t want anyone to hurt him!” blurted out Kisame. “He’s a good shark…please don’t tell anyone about him.”

“No worries, my dear. I can appreciate rare and fascinating creatures as much as you can,” beamed Orochimaru. “And especially when they can be used for studying!”

“Used for studying?” frowned Itachi.

“ _Used_?” repeated Kisame. “ _Used_?”

“Why, yes! They have fascinating magical properties, for transfiguration, potions – your dear little friend Sasori would be able to brew something nicely, don’t you think?”

“He’s not…he’s not for studying…” stammered Kisame. “He’s…he’s a free creature!”

“Oh, of course, my dear,” said Orochimaru. “But think of all the possibilities! The discovery of such a rare creature would shake the wizarding world.”

“But professor, he’s a wild animal!” Kisame’s eyes widened with fright. He glanced sideways, and realised that the lake was still, meaning that his megalodon had hopefully swum to the depths of the water where Orochimaru couldn’t retrieve him.

“Run along now, my dears!” urged Orochimaru. “We wouldn’t want Professor Danzo to catch you. And I have to pay a visit to my dear Jiraiya. I promise not to say another word about the shark!”

Itachi grabbed Kisame and they ran back into Hogwarts. It had gone completely dark, and they knew they were out beyond curfew. Itachi waved a spell over himself, that Mikoto had taught him, drying and cleaning his clothes. He waved his wand at Kisame, who startled and glanced down at himself. Itachi doubted anyone had ever had the sense to teach Kisame such spells.

With that, Itachi straightened his Prefect badge, and then strode purposelessly through the hall, deciding that if anyone stopped him, he would pretend he had confused which night he was on Prefect patrol duty. And if they asked why Kisame was with him, he’d have to wing it.

He took Kisame back to the Gryffindor common room, and then turned to face Kisame.

“I promise I’ll do what I can to help,” he said.

Kisame glanced down at him with his gentle olive eyes. “He’s going to hurt him…”

“I won’t let him,” said Itachi fiercely. “I won’t let him get the shark.”

Kisame’s expression relaxed. “Itachi…”

“Yes?”

Kisame lightly touched the tip of Itachi’s ponytail, where it had fallen over his shoulder. “You’re a good person. I really like you.”

Itachi gave a quirk of a small, shy smile. “I think I more than like you, you know.”

Kisame startled again. “What does that mean?”

Itachi jumped up, and plonked a kiss on Kisame’s cheek.

The portrait of the Fat Lady opened, to reveal Hidan.

“Damnit!” he cursed. “Now I owe Kakuzu fifty galleons. I said there was no way you were going to kiss before Christmas.” 

* * *

Back in the Ravenclaw common room, Konan sat cross-legged in one of the armchairs, homework spread before her. She nodded to Itachi, and then carried on reading. The gold H badge gleamed in the low candlelight.

“Don’t hurt your eyes,” warned Itachi.

“My eyes are better than yours,” replied Konan.

“Good point,” said Itachi.

He slowly trod up the stairs to his dormitory, in anticipation and dread at what Shisui would say. But he knew it was inevitable. He drew back the curtains of his bed, clamoured in and closed them again. He cast a silencing charm around the area, then pulled back the bedsheet hiding Shisui’s picture.

Shisui was flexing his muscles again. Itachi folded his arms and gave him an unimpressed glare.

“Oh, hey Itachi!” beamed Shisui. “Good day at class?”

“More or less.”

“I miss being there with you,” sighed Shisui. “But I had fun going out with your mum today. We were following some Dark Wizards in a club, so we got dressed up and pretended I was her toyboy lover!”

“Less said the better, Shisui,” scowled Itachi.

“What do you want to do when you finish Hogwarts, anyway?” asked Shisui. “Are you joining us?”

“I don’t know,” admitted Itachi. “I hadn’t even thought about it.”

He didn’t want to discuss his future career plans, or lack of. Itachi shook his head, and then glanced back up at Shisui, deciding to change the topic.

“Did you find anything out?” asked Itachi.

“Oh!” said Shisui. “Yes, I did, actually.”

“Well,” said Itachi. “What did you find out?”

“I searched Kisame’s name in the files,” said Shisui. “And his family name. Did you know the Hoshigaki are a magical family?”

“No, I didn’t,” said Itachi. “But go on.”

“Kisame’s a pureblood,” said Shisui. “They’re not well-known like us. Think more like Kakuzu’s family.”

Itachi knew that Kakuzu’s family name was ancient and scattered throughout wizarding history books, but were not wealthy or influential, or at least not anymore. Most of Kakuzu’s belongings were very fine, well-crafted, but worn thin through years of use. When Itachi had visited him during the school holidays, he’d noticed that the family lived in an old ancient house, that Kakuzu explained had been in their family for generations, but that it needed copious repairs. And not because Hidan and Deidara had ruined it.

Although it did need more repairs once they left.

“So…pureblood but poor?” suggested Itachi, knowing that he could be blunt without judgment with Shisui.

“Kind of!” said Shisui. “Pureblood but not into being pureblood much. They liked researching magical creatures.”

“Oh,” said Itachi, realising that it sounded just about right.

“And not just any kind of magical creatures. Magical sea creatures.”

“ _Oh_ ,” said Itachi. This definitely sounded like Kisame’s family.

“I made a magical copy of the files, and I’m sending them to you by owl. You should receive them tonight in your dormitory at the latest,” said Shisui.

Itachi glanced out the window, at the darkened sky. There was no sign of Shisui’s owl yet. He turned back to Shisui. “What did they say?”

“About what happened to his family and stuff,” Shisui suddenly looked sheepishly.

Itachi knew that Shisui didn’t want to gossip, or pry too much. He nodded mutely, before changing the topic.

“Did you find anything else out about megalodons?” he asked.

“Apparently, there were rumours that one was spotted in the North Sea, but it disappeared over the summer,” said Shisui. “I went to the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures and took San a big coffee, the exact way he likes it-”

“How do you know how San likes his coffee?” frowned Itachi.

“Well, when I stole Deidara’s fireworks to let off when I got expelled, he’d stolen Sasori’s diary, and Sasori had been writing all about San. It was quite cute, actually.”

Itachi groaned. “I hope he gave it back to Sasori.”

Shisui shook his head. “He probably wouldn’t have. Anyway. So I took San a coffee, and a chocolate croissant, he likes those too. I got stuck talking to Rasa, about their cat-thing, and how happy he is now that Gaara’s taken it to Hogwarts because he can spend nice relaxing evenings with Karura again. The coffee had nearly gone cold by the time I got it to San, but then I used a warming spell to get it to just the right temperature, Sasori was ever so thorough in his description, and San was so pleased, so I managed to get San talking.”

“Carry on,” urged Itachi.

“They’re just rumours, is what San told me, but then he added that a lot of things he finds and captures for domesticating start off as rumours. Including the demented cat,” said Shisui. “San said his theory was that perhaps megalodon never went instinct. They’ve been hunted for their fins, for their teeth, their apparent healing powers and their strength, so they went to the deepest depths of the ocean, where humans can’t explore, but the Muggles, with their global warming, have changed the temperatures of the ocean, so the sea creatures are migrating to find colder climates again. That’s why he thinks the shark was in the North Sea, where Kisame would have found it.”

“That makes sense,” swallowed Itachi.

“I didn’t mention anything about Kisame. I just said it was a story my uncle told me, a rumour that we’d heard going round and was interested,” said Shisui.

“That’s good,” said Itachi, but he was still no closer to knowing where exactly the megalodon had come from, and where it could be returned. He chewed his lip, but then he was distracted by the distinct sound of tapping.

“That’ll be my owl,” said Shisui.

Itachi clamoured up off his bed, and wandered over to the window. He creaked it open, and the owl hopped in. He untied the files from the owl’s leg, and offered it a ball of dango that Mikoto had sent him. The owl pecked it enthusiastically, before fluttering off back into the night.

Itachi settled on his bed, and opened up the files, and began to read.

Kisame had been born on the 18th March, which Itachi already knew, since he’d bought him several presents over the years. The tips of his ears tinged pink, as he remembered the feel of Kisame’s fingers brushing his as Itachi presented a wrapped book into his palms. He was a member of the Hoshigaki family, and there was a picture of his parents attached.

Itachi did a double-take, at the small infant Kisame peering out of a white blanket in their arms. His parents were as tall as their son was, and just as powerfully built. His mother looked like she could snap a tree in half and his father looked like he could knock a mountain over.

Itachi’s eyes scanned over the documents, discovering that both of Kisame’s parents had been aquamarine magizoologists, spending their working lives exploring, discovering and rescuing magical sea creatures. It just seemed to suit them, with their fierce, strong demeanour and light olive eyes that reminded Itachi of the various hues of the sea.

When he reached the next paragraph, Itachi’s breath hitched.

Kisame’s parents lost their lives defending the sea creatures they loved so much. Dark Wizards, the same who had orphaned Nagato, Yahiko and Konan, had attacked the sea creatures, wanting their magical properties for potions and dark magic. Leaping to the defence of the innocent creatures, both of the Hoshigakis fended off the dark wizards, defeating them but at the cost of their own lives.

The only survivor was their infant son, found sobbing by the crashing waves, by Muggle authorities, who took him to the nearest foster care home.

Itachi swallowed, as he read how it had been the decision of the wizarding world authorities to leave Kisame in the care of the Muggles, as he had had contact with too many Muggles and it would be easier than try to Obliviate them all.

And so Kisame had grown up, in the Muggle world, completely unaware of his heritage, until he turned eleven and Professor Tsunade arrived to collect him and bring him to Hogwarts.

And every summer, Kisame had to leave the magical community where he belonged, to return to the orphanage.

Anger swelled inside Itachi. How dare the Dark Wizards kill his parents like that? How dare the Ministry of Magic leave him like that? Poor Kisame must have been so confused growing up…being different, sensitive to magical beings, and not understanding why he was different to other kids.

Resolution wrapped itself around Itachi’s heart, as he determined to make Fugaku turn the spare room in their house into a room for Kisame so he had an actual home to come back to.

As Itachi calmed his breathing, he realised that it all made sense. Why Kisame loved dangerous sea creatures so much. Why Kisame wanted to keep a megalodon. Why Kisame was so _powerful_.

Itachi folded away the papers and then sat quietly.

He had to tell him.

Kisame deserved the truth. 

* * *

Itachi readjusted his P badge, and then crept back down the stairs. Konan was gone, leaving nothing more than a fluttering origami butterfly on top of her books, guarding her work from being disturbed.

Itachi slipped past, and crept out the Ravenclaw tower. He paced through the hallways, heading towards the Gryffindor tower. The papers he held clutched in his palm, his footsteps light but swift. He didn’t care how late it now was, all he could think about was telling Kisame the truth. Tell him the truth, sort out the shark, and then they could carry on with their work at Hogwarts, and when they passed their NEWTs, Kisame was coming home with Itachi.

An unmistakable banging of a staff thudded along the corridor behind him.

“Mr. Uchiha…” an old voice called.

Itachi froze.

Slowly, he turned around.

“It isn’t your night for Prefect duty,” stated Professor Danzo, creeping closer.

Itachi held his breath. Professor Danzo had awful breath, that made Itachi want to vomit. It was the old rancid milky stench of decaying old people, and he couldn’t stand it. He held his breath quickly.

Realising that he needed to reply, Itachi exhaled. “I made a mistake.”

Danzo stared at him with his unbandaged eye. “Let’s hope you don’t make many more… _mistakes_.”

Wondering what his mother would do, Itachi determined to hold his pride. He lifted his head up high, and gazed back at Danzo. “I hope not.”

“We wouldn’t want you to lose…” Danzo crept forwards, and tapped Itachi’s Prefect badge. Itachi felt the tap through his robes, down to this skin, and managed to stay as still as possible, even though every single inch of him wanted to shudder with repulsion. “This.”

“No, sir,” said Itachi politely.

“We wouldn’t want you to end up like your cousin, would we?” asked Danzo, as he crept closer. “How is Shisui?”

“He is well, sir,” said Itachi boldly. “My mother reports that he is a positive addition to her auror team and that he learns quickly, as well as having a genuine passion for their work.”

Danzo looked unimpressed, and yet Itachi refused to yield or back down from his statement. Itachi would not give him the satisfaction of the knowledge that Shisui had sobbed privately once he’d returned home after his expulsion, that he was devastated not to graduate alongside his friends and that his plans for a career of his own making and had to continue following in the Uchiha’s footsteps.

“You ought to return to bed,” said Danzo, finally speaking. “Since it is not your night for Prefect duty at all.”

“Goodnight, sir,” said Itachi. “I hope you manage to sleep well.”

Having delivered a slick burn that Mikoto would have been proud of, Itachi turned his back, keeping his head high, before walking confidently back to the Ravenclaw tower. He waited for the eagle to ask him the riddle, and then solved it within the following minute.

He stashed the papers about Kisame under his nightstand, and then changed into his pyjamas. Huddling under the blankets he began to write a response to his uncle.

_‘Dear Uncle Tobi,_

_Thank you for the scan picture of the baby, I can’t wait to meet my new cousin. I hope Rin is doing well. How long until we meet him/her? Are you going to find out what it is?_

_I was wondering if you would be able to help me? Do you remember what you mentioned in your last letter? If you ask Shisui, he’ll be able to tell you about it._

_Love, Itachi.’_

Itachi wiped his quill clean, and laid it back on his nightstand with his ink pot. He rolled onto his back, and then stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to claim him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kisame! I always give him such sad backstories...but he has Itachi who loves him <3


	5. Quidditch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first Quidditch match of the year, and Itachi and Kisame make their attempt to rescue the shark...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, an update! I can't wait to get this finished in time for Halloween because...spooky witches and wizards, why not?!
> 
> I mention a bit more of Sasori and Kakuzu's black market business XD because they totally would do that...
> 
> What do you think of the Sannin's houses? Do you have any different hcs?

The next morning at breakfast, Kisame felt Itachi sit down pointedly beside him. Itachi’s dark eyes were intent, as if he had set his resolve to something, and yet he did not speak. Instead, he helped himself to sweet cinnamon toast and nibbled along the edges.

“Itachi,” said Kisame.

Itachi swallowed. “Yes?”

“You’re right,” said Kisame sadly. “We do need to…get rid of the… _shark_. He’s a wild animal, he doesn’t belong here in captivity.”

Beside him, Itachi sighed with relief.

“I was thinking we could go and visit Professor Jiraiya?” asked Kisame. “We could take the rest of the group and get them to help us. I don’t think he’ll be _that_ mad, since he likes magical creatures too. And we’re Konan’s friends. All she has to do is give her dad that butter-wouldn’t-melt look and he won’t punish us.”

“We’ll go after class,” said Itachi, resting his hand against his plate. “But before dinner. That way everyone will be free. We’ll see everyone in Defence Against the Dark Arts, so we can tell them to meet us in the Entrance after four, right?”

“Right,” nodded Kisame, knowing that having his friends with him for support would make it easier.

He sighed into his porridge, and then felt Itachi’s hand on his. Kisame glanced up, and found Itachi staring at him.

“There’s something I have to tell you, too,” admitted Itachi.

“What is it?” Kisame practically whispered.

Itachi licked his lips.

“KISS! KISS! KISS!” chanted Hidan, slamming his knife and fork on the table, before being joined by Deidara.

Itachi released Kisame with an unhappy sigh, and returned to his cinnamon toast.

“Shut up, both of you!” Kisame tossed a handful of cornflakes at Hidan and Deidara, who both ducked, so they went flying over Yahiko and Nagato on the Hufflepuff table.

Kisame sat dejectedly throughout most of his classes, wondering what Itachi had to tell him, or if Itachi was going to kiss him again. He would have liked it if Itachi had kissed him. they were together, Kisame didn’t feel alone.

After Defence Against the Dark Arts, where they’d tried to produce patronuses again, Kisame and Itachi were joined by their friends, and they headed down to Jiraiya’s hut.

Professor Jiraiya was the same age as Headmistress Tsunade and Professor Orochimaru, and had been close friends during their years at Hogwarts. They had all pursued their own separate paths in life, but fought side by side against the Dark Wizard Hanzo. That was how Jiraiya had found and adopted the three children, who had been orphaned under Hanzo’s regime. He brought them home with him, discovered they were magical and quite talented, despite their young age.

Jiraiya came to teach at Hogwarts after the war, wanting to look after his toads and work with students. He’d been offered the post of Minister of Magic at some point, but turned it down, claiming he wanted nothing more to do with politics.

The group of friends squeezed into the hut that Jiraiya lived in. Most of the other teachers lived in rooms in the castle, but Jiraiya liked to be outside by the forest. It was also necessary, given how often he had to chase Hidan, Deidara and Kisame out of the Forbidden Forest.

In the hut, Jiraiya had shelves and shelves of books, with pink and red covers. Kisame knew exactly what those were, and had no intentions of opening them up to look.

Jiraiya was putting a kettle on the stove, and had everything laid out for a pot of tea.

“Hey kids!” he greeted, wrapping his arms around Nagato and Yahiko, and reaching forwards to ruffle Konan’s hair. Konan patted her hair back into place once he was finished, before kissing Jiraiya on the cheek instead. “What brings you here?”

“Sasori wants San’s mobile number,” announced Deidara.

Sasori frowned. “What is a mobile?”

“It’s a phone,” explained Hidan. “A thing that Muggles use.”

“Figures,” scowled Sasori. “Only a dumb mudblood like yourself would think of such an insult.”

“Hey, I’m not a mudblood!” Deidara lunged at Sasori, but Kakuzu grabbed Deidara by the scruff of his neck.

“Sit,” ordered Kakuzu, placing Deidara in a chair.

Deidara sat, but then leapt up again as a toad leapt out from underneath him.

“That’s enough!” ordered Jiraiya. “We’ll have no teasing and none of that language in here, or anywhere for that matter. Nagato, why don’t you get the biscuits out?”

Jiraiya served up several pots of tea, and Nagato laid out the biscuits. They clustered around the table, with Kisame sitting beside Itachi, Konan perched on Yahiko’s lap, Kakuzu standing while Hidan sprawled over a chair and put his feet up on the table, Sasori and Deidara unhappily sharing half of a chair each, and Nagato leaning against Jiraiya’s chair.

“What’s the matter with you kids then?” asked Jiraiya.

“Kisame needs help,” said Itachi.

Kisame chewed his lip.

“Oh?” asked Jiraiya.

“Professor…” Kisame swallowed. “The squid that got attacked…it was because…”

“Because?” asked Jiraiya.

“I brought a shark to school,” admitted Kisame. “And not just any old shark either. A megalodon.”

“A shark,” stated Jiraiya.

Kisame nodded. “In the holidays…I found it in the North Sea…and he was on his own, and I was on my own, so I shrunk him and put him in my bag. And then I brought him on the Hogwarts Express, and Itachi told me I had to set him free, so I put him in the lake, but the lake is landlocked.”

Jiraiya shook his head. “Oh, Kisame…”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Kisame’s cheeks tinged pink. “I just…I was worried about leaving him on his own in the North Sea, and I thought he looked lonely, and I like magical creatures, you know I do.”

“Well…” said Jiraiya. “This definitely isn’t as bad as when Orochimaru opened up the Chamber of Secrets and let a basilisk out. I still can’t quite believe he tried to put a purple silk bow from Gucci on it. But a megalodon would be a XXXXX rating on the magical creature scale. The Ministry of Magic would get involved if they knew of this.”

“That’s why we need your help,” said Kisame. “I need to get the megalodon back to the wild. But I can’t do it on my own. I need to be at school now.”

“I have my own contacts at the Ministry,” said Itachi. “I don’t know if there’s anyway we can get the shark out and move him back to the North Sea without anyone realising.”

“It’ll be practically impossible to move something as large as a megalodon without anyone noticing,” said Jiraiya. “If we were going to move him, we’d need to pick a day when there’s no one around.”

“What about when everyone goes to Hogsmeade?” suggested Yahiko.

“I want to go to Hogsmeade and get sweets,” protested Hidan.

“The first and second years would still be around,” said Konan. “And they’re the most inquisitive of all the students.”

“I know when!” beamed Deidara.

“When?” asked Kakuzu.

“So, you know how me and Hidan aren’t allowed to play Quidditch anymore?” said Deidara.

“Yes, I do remember,” frowned Jiraiya. “Tsunade was furious…”

“When’s the next Quidditch match?” asked Deidara. “Because everyone will be at the game. Apart from us.”

“Not until the end of September,” said Itachi.

“That’s quite a while to wait,” stated Sasori.

“But it gives us a chance to plan,” said Kakuzu.

“What is the plan?” asked Hidan.

“First of all, we need to get the shark out of the lake,” said Itachi. “Kisame, you’ll have to do that. He likes you, and you’re the only one strong enough to shrink a megalodon.”

“How do we know where everyone will be, and if everyone is definitely at the Quidditch match?” asked Konan.

“Well sweetheart, it’s high time I showed you kids this,” Jiraiya clamoured up, and reached into one of the boxes on the walls. He pulled out a piece of crumbling parchment, and laid it on the table proudly.

“That is a blank piece of paper, dad,” stated Nagato.

“No, it’s not!” replied Jiraiya. He pulled out his wand and tapped the parchment. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

Ink spilled from the tip of his wand, covering the parchment in a map of Hogwarts. There were footsteps moving all over the castle, with a banner above that displayed their name. Kisame noticed that Professor Tsunade was pacing in her office, while Professor Orochimaru was walking towards the Great Hall. Professor Danzo prowled around the Entrance to the castle, and Professor Asuma was at the edge of the grounds, presumably tidying up after class.

“What is this?” breathed Deidara, his ice blue eyes wide with delight.

“This,” said Jiraiya proudly. “Is my Marauders’ Map. I made it in second year with Tsunade and Orochimaru. It tells you where everyone is in the castle. So, hypothetically speaking, let’s say I and my friends wanted to duel each other in the Trophy Room at night and wanted to test out new spells, but didn’t want to get caught by Professor Danzo…well, we’d just look at this map and we could avoid him!”

“This is genius,” grinned Hidan. “Dei, think of the fun we could have!”

“Except it’s not for you. Either of you,” said Itachi firmly.

“That’s right,” said Jiraiya. “This belongs to me. I was going to give it to my boy Minato, but he wanted to be Minister of Magic so I thought it was probably best not to encourage him to follow in my footsteps. Then I couldn’t pick between Nagato, Yahiko and Konan because that’s favouritism. Maybe I’ll give it to Naruto.”

“Don’t give it to Sasuke’s little brat friend!” protested Deidara. “He won’t appreciate it like we would. Right Hidan?”

“Right Dei!”

“I know you two and what you’re like, and I’m not having either of you using my own map to sneak past me to get in the Forbidden Forest,” scolded Jiraiya.

Deidara and Hidan looked disappointed.

“Whatever you lot do, don’t tell Headmistress Tsunade I still have this,” said Jiraiya. “I told her I destroyed it years ago. And don’t tell Professor Orochimaru, because he’ll want it back.”

“So, on the day of the Quidditch match, we use the map to ensure that the way is clear,” said Konan. “Then Kisame and Itachi can approach the lake, retrieve the shark, then what?”

“We need to get someone to come and pick it up, to take it off the grounds,” said Itachi. “I was going to ask Shisui…”

“Do you think Shisui would be all right with the shark?” asked Kisame. “Does he know much about sharks? Does he like them?”

“That’s true,” Itachi chewed his lip. “Shisui didn’t study Care of Magical Creatures.”

“Do you think there will be someone in the Department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures who might help us?” asked Sasori.

“Sasori loves San,” coughed Deidara loudly.

“He’s an attractive man with a range of achievements, what’s not to like?” asked Sasori. “Meanwhile, you are a stupid schoolboy who transfigured disgusting drooling mouths on your palms.”

“That’s enough,” interrupted Konan. “I’m not convinced that the Ministry will help us, or that the Ministry are competent. Do you remember the auror that Professor Kakashi brought in to lecture us on fieldwork, who then dared us to take him on, and I sent him flying backwards out the window?”

“That was my Uncle Obito,” said Itachi.

“Precisely,” said Konan.

“I think we better spend some time asking around,” said Kisame. “I don’t want him going off with someone he doesn’t know…he might get frightened…”

“He’s a megalodon and a predator, Kisame, I doubt he’d ever be frightened,” said Kakuzu.

Kisame chewed his lip nervously.

“In the meantime, I’ll try and make sure he’s fed so you don’t look too suspicious,” assured Jiraiya.

“We’ll go to the lake ourselves to retrieve him,” comforted Itachi, putting his hand on Kisame’s broad shoulder. “Then you can tell him where he’s going.”

“You’ll come with me?” asked Kisame.

“Of course,” Itachi squeezed. But then his face fell.

“What is it?” asked Kisame.

“The quidditch match,” said Itachi. “It’s Gryffindor playing.”

“And?” asked Hidan.

“Izumi is the seeker,” said Itachi, with a torn expression. “It’s her first year as Captain, and I promised I would be there.”

“Well,” said Sasori. “If you need a way to be in two places at once...”

* * *

Kakuzu lounged on his bed, flipping through a new novel his father had sent him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know how much it had cost him, if his father had dipped too far into the family finances. But for now, he was enjoying the steady pace of the story, the warm musty scent of the parchment and leather binding. It was a true vintage classic.

Beside him, Sasori sat with a cauldron before him, tipping in leeches and stirring the pot.

Kakuzu glanced up over the book at his dormitory mate and business partner. “Deidara is going to hate this.”

“Deidara is going to do as he’s told,” said Sasori, stirring the potion.

“I’m impressed that you can make Polyjuice Potion,” admitted Kakuzu. “If I’d known, I would have suggested that we sell it.”

“It takes a month to brew,” said Sasori. “I don’t usually like waiting. And it’s more cost effective for us to make potions with a faster turn around time.”

“That’s true,” said Kakuzu. “But if the demand is there…”

“We do also need to balance our business with our studies,” said Sasori. “As we are NEWT students this year.”

“True,” Kakuzu glanced back down at his book.

“It’s nearly done,” said Sasori. “All we need is some of Itachi’s hair, and we’re good to go. Although…if we have enough remaining…we could sell it.”

Kakuzu grinned.

* * *

Deidara unhappily folded his arms as they clustered in the broom cupboard.

“I brought some of my clothes,” said Itachi. “My mum made me these dango socks and I always wear them, so you’ll have to wear them if you don’t want Izumi to get suspicious. But I want them back because mama made them just for me.”

Deidara glowered.

“I made a dummy of my wand,” said Itachi, holding it out. “There shouldn’t be a reason for you to be using a wand, but just in case you need it, here it is.”

Deidara looked completely miserable.

“If you see Sasuke, make sure you give him a hug,” added Itachi helpfully. “I always hug him when I see him, even though he shoves me off now and says I’m embarrassing him.”

“I am not hugging Sasuke, yeah,” muttered Deidara.

“But if you don’t, he’ll know you’re an imposter!”

“He’ll think his brother is finally treating him like an adult!” protested Deidara. “I am not hugging Sasuke! I’d rather hug Sasori!”

“Believe me, you’d rather hug Sasuke,” retorted Sasori. “Now get changed into Itachi’s Ravenclaw robes and get moving. I don’t have all day to wait for you to argue.”

“Turn your backs, yeah!” shouted Deidara.

“And stop shouting!” ordered Sasori, as he turned. “Someone will hear.”

Deidara changed out of his uniform, and into Itachi’s uniform. The trouser legs were longer, and the clothing smelled of something fresh and flowery. Everything was ironed to perfection, even the dango socks. Itachi’s shoes were slightly too long for his feet, and when he turned around to face Itachi and Sasori, they both snickered.

“It’s not funny!” barked Deidara.

“It is a bit,” admitted Itachi.

Sasori held out the Polyjuice Potion, and Itachi plucked a long silky black hair from his ponytail. He held it above the potion, and then dropped it. Immediately, it began to fizz and bubble into a different colour.

Deidara stared at the pinky liquid that shone his reflection back at him. “I’m not drinking that.”

“You’re drinking it,” ordered Sasori.

Deidara accepted it, and grimaced.

“I’m sure I taste like dango, if that helps,” said Itachi.

Deidara knocked back the liquid, and then gave a short gasp. He doubled over, as his features suddenly began to blur and mold into Itachi’s. Golden hair darkened to raven black, blue eyes turned inky black, his tanned skin paled, and his button nose elongated and narrowed. His cheek bones lowered, and two prominent tear troughs appeared below his eyes. He shot up several inches, and his frame turned narrow and birdlike. Deidara coughed, and blinked, and covered his face with his palms. When he moved it away, the spitting image of Itachi stared back at Sasori and Itachi.

“Oh my,” stated Sasori, turning pink with pleasure. “I brewed it perfectly.”

“One last thing,” said Itachi, reaching for Deidara’s hair. “You need to tie it back, like this.”

“I look disgusting,” stated Deidara.

“Perhaps Itachi thinks you normally look disgusting,” scolded Sasori.

“Well, I have one question I want answered,” said Deidara. He unbuckled his trousers and glanced down.

“Deidara!” shouted Sasori.

“It’s about the same,” sighed Deidara disappointedly, tucking himself back in.

“You are disgusting,” Itachi wrinkled his nose.

“Deidara, if you’re ready, you should probably head down to the Quidditch pitch,” said Sasori. He handed Deidara a flask of the Polyjuice Potion and Itachi pinned a P badge to the front of his robes.

“Just cheer for Izumi and look happy,” instructed Itachi.

Deidara practically stormed out of the broom cupboard, unhappily.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” admitted Itachi.

“It’s too late now,” stated Sasori. “You better join Kisame, and then start heading down to the lake.”

* * *

Grumbling, Deidara made his way down to the Quidditch pitch, following in the footsteps of all the other Hogwarts students. Professor Orochimaru glided past in emerald green robes. Headmistress Tsunade wore a Ravenclaw sweater over her robes and clutched a flask, while Jiraiya casually strolled along, wearing a Gryffindor sweater, seemingly unaware of what was going on down by the lake.

“Itachi!” cried a voice.

Deidara turned to spot Izumi dressed in her Quidditch gear. She darted through the crowds, and then wrapped her arms around Deidara’s shoulders. Compared to the other Uchihas that Deidara knew, Izumi wasn’t so bad. She was a half-blood, since her pureblood mother ran away with a Muggle. According to Itachi it had been a massive scandal, and half the Uchiha family didn’t talk to Hazuki Uchiha anymore, or even acknowledge Izumi’s existence.

But, because of that, Deidara always found her much more down-to-earth and less snobby than the other Uchihas. She’d never called him a mudblood, that was for sure.

Deidara hugged her back.

“Thank you for coming, I know quidditch isn’t really your thing and that you’d rather be in the library.”

“It’s no problem,” replied Deidara, although he wasn’t sure if that’s what Itachi would say.

Izumi pulled away, and then placed her hand on his cheek. “You feel very warm. Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine,” said Deidara. “I was in the library…reading…in front of a fire, yeah.”

Izumi frowned, and Deidara quickly realised that Itachi would never say ‘yeah’ at the end of a sentence.

“Well, I better go and rally my team,” said Izumi. “Your mum sent me a letter, she said she’s so proud. She used to be Seeker for her house’s team, did you know that?”

“Yes, I did,” nodded Deidara.

“What house was she in?” asked Izumi.

Deidara swallowed. “Um…Slytherin?”

Izumi smiled. “That’s funny, she told me she was a Gryffindor.”

“Dad was a Slytherin. I remember now,” lied Deidara.

“Sure,” said Izumi, nodding, before turning away to join her team.

Deidara grimaced, before climbing up onto the stands. Everyone was cheering and calling for the teams to come out and for the game to start. He joined the Ravenclaws, since that’s where Itachi normally stood. He didn’t actually know which of the Ravenclaws were Itachi’s friends apart from Konan.

“Hey, Itachi, where are you going?” called a voice.

Deidara turned around, to spot Sasuke.

“To watch the match, hm,” he replied.

“You said that we’d watch Izumi together!” Sasuke clamoured up onto the Ravenclaw stands, and sat down next to Deidara.

“Sure,” said Deidara. He folded his arms, trying to sit as far away from Sasuke on the bench as possible.

“Hey, where’s Konan and your friends?” asked Sasuke, shuffling up closer to the person he thought was his beloved older brother.

“I don’t have friends,” said Deidara.

“What? What about Kisame?” asked Sasuke.

“Oh, he just feels sorry for me, yeah,” said Deidara, suddenly realising what an amazing opportunity his disguise of Itachi could be.

“He just feels sorry for you? What? Kisame loves you,” retorted Sasuke. “I can see it all over his face.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” shrugged Deidara. “I mean, he could do much better. Like he could date Sasori. Sasori is such a catch.”

“What?” Sasuke looked stunned. “What?”

“You know who I want to date?” asked Deidara.

“Who?” asked Sasuke.

“Deidara,” said Deidara. “He’s so sexy, and his art is so good.”

“Deidara’s an idiot,” scorned Sasuke. “And he’s got those disgusting mouths on his hands, and he has stupid hair, he looks like a freak.”

“No, he doesn’t, yeah!” shouted Deidara.

Sasuke gave Deidara a very weird look. “But Itachi, you said Deidara was an attention-seeking idiot.”

Deidara was ready to throw Sasuke off the stands into the pitch, but was cut off as Professor Asuma lead the teams out in single file, the Captains in front. Deidara immediately recognised Izumi, her long hair tied up in a ponytail out of her face, and some of the other Gryffindors. He felt a twinge of sadness. He and Hidan used to play as Beaters on the Gryffindor team. But he and Hidan had thought it would be funny to see what would happen if they aimed the bludgers at Sasori and Kakuzu in the Slytherin stands.

For some reason, Sasori and Kakuzu didn’t find it funny, and neither did Professor Asuma. He flew up in the air, yanked Hidan off his broom, and screamed at Deidara to stop flying. They were both hauled into Professor Tsunade’s office, and banned from playing quidditch ever again.

Deidara was sad. They only got to play one quidditch match. He and Hidan had been quite talented.

“I want a nice, clean game!” shouted Professor Asuma.

“I want to hex your ugly ass,” muttered Deidara.

“You want to hex Professor Asuma?” asked Sasuke.

Deidara bit back his next retort, as Izumi and the other captain shook hands, before falling into place. Professor Asuma threw the quaffle in the air, and then the Chasers were off, and then he threw the bludgers. Deidara sighed sadly, as the two Gryffindor beaters who replaced him and Hidan took off. Then, the snitch was released, and Izumi kicked off, ready to go and catch it.

* * *

Kisame and Itachi began sneaking down to the lake, scrutinising the map that Professor Jiraiya gave them. The entire grounds were clear, and they had an easy path straight towards the water. Everyone was clustered on the quidditch pitch, and there appeared to be no stragglers.

Kisame exhaled sadly. “Let’s go.”

Itachi held out the map, witnessing no new names appearing in the immediate area. The only person he could see who wasn’t at the match was Professor Danzo, who was in his office. But that was no surprise to Itachi, since Professor Danzo didn’t like quidditch anyway.

Down by the lake, Kisame waved a slice of ham over the water. Itachi glanced up over the map, as the jaws emerged and grabbed it.

“Good boy,” encouraged Kisame, before holding out another one.

Itachi continued to stare over the map. “Kisame, he’s grown again.”

“I’ll reshrink him,” said Kisame.

“I’m amazed he’s even managed to stay small for so long,” said Itachi. “How powerful really are you?”

“I don’t know,” said Kisame. “Sometimes, I’m afraid to find out.”

Itachi tucked the map back in his pocket, and wrapped his arm around Kisame’s waist. Kisame flung another ham slice into the shark’s open jaws, then pulled out his wand. The shark dipped below the waters, dorsal fin disappearing down to being a small triangle.

“Hey!” protested Kisame. He reached down for more ham, and threw it back at the shark.

The shark bobbed back up.

Kisame waved his wand. “Reducio!”

Itachi felt the vibrations of the spell trembling through Kisame’s body, and clutched him tightly. Immediately, the shark’s edges quivered, and he began to shrink down.

Itachi sighed with relief, but then the shark ceased to shrink any further.

“It took me a few attempts last time,” explained Kisame, as the shark tunnelled below the water. “Last time was even harder, when he was at full size, and especially as he’s a moving target.”

Itachi was amazed that anyone could even shrink a megalodon at all.

He watched as Kisame held out more meat, and the shark swam up to grab it. He and Kisame alternated between throwing in ham, and Kisame shrinking. But as the shark grew smaller and darted through the water at a faster pace, it became harder for Kisame to aim. And then arose the question of how Kisame would actually put the shark in the bag.

Itachi stepped back, and felt the map crinkling in his pocket. He frowned lightly, his hand dug in, and pulled it out.

Itachi looked.

“Kisame!” he yelped.

“What is it?” asked Kisame, as he urged his shark towards him.

“Run!” hissed Itachi.

They did not need to be told twice. Kisame threw all the ham into the lake, and then legged it towards the Forbidden Forest. Concealing themselves in the trees, they peered out as Professor Danzo tapped along past where they had been shrinking the shark.

“What is he doing?” asked Kisame.

“He was in his office,” whispered Itachi. “How did he move so fast?”

“I bet he can apparate,” muttered Kisame. “They don’t let us students. But I bet he can.”

“The match will be finished soon,” Itachi swallowed. “How will we get the shark now?”

“So soon?” asked Kisame, giving Itachi a curious glance.

“Izumi is the seeker,” replied Itachi.

* * *

“GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR!” chanted the stands, as Izumi flew in a victory circle around the pitch, the snitch clutched in her fist.

“Just so you know,” said Deidara, still enjoying the Itachi act. “Mum and dad didn’t actually want a second child. You were an accident when dad’s condom split.”

“Hey!” protested Sasuke. “Mum and dad wanted two kids!”

“Only if the second was a daughter. Mum didn’t want another son. You were a complete disappointment, Sasuke, yeah,” Deidara snickered.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “You’re not my big brother.”

“Yeah, I am,” said Deidara.

“Then why is your fringe _blond_ , Deidara?” demanded Sasuke.

Deidara placed a hand to his hair, and held out his fringe. It was rapidly returning to blond, and going thicker and fuller by the second.

“See you later, Sasuke!” Deidara leapt down the stairs, and began to run, praying and praying that Kisame and Itachi had caught the shark.

“Hey!” shrieked Sasuke. “I’m telling Itachi about this!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, I bet both Itachi and Deidara are going to be in a lot of trouble for that!


	6. The Ministry of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aware of the strange goings-on in the lake, Professor Danzo calls the Ministry of Magic to investigate...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite part of this chapter to write was Rasa screaming SHARK IN THE LAKE like Professor Quirrell screaming about the troll XD
> 
> As well as this, I feel the need to put a trigger warning, where Sasori attempts to act on his feelings for San. Sasori is 16/17 here, and San much older. Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that I, in no shape or form, support relationships between mature adults and minors. However, many minors may develop crushes on adults and not understand the boundaries due to their lack of experience. It is therefore the responsibility of the adult to not act upon or take advantage of this lack of experience.

Sasori arrived early for breakfast with Kakuzu. They liked to eat before Hidan and Deidara arrived, and threw food at them, and because Sasori disliked waiting. They both sat at their usual corner on the Slytherin table, and then selected what they wanted.

Kakuzu read while he ate. It was another old rare book that his father sent him. Sasori swallowed, wishing his parents were there to send him things. It was like a twisting knife to the gut whenever care packages turned up from Mikoto for Itachi, or when Konan, Nagato and Yahiko went to visit Jiraiya in his hut and were greeted with warm hugs. Even seeing Deidara greet his muggle parents off the Hogwarts Express made Sasori twinge.

He supposed Hidan and Kisame were the closest at understanding how he must feel, but Hidan was the last person that Sasori would want to talk to, and Kisame had Itachi.

Sasori wondered if he could ever make new bonds with someone.

As that thought crossed his mind, Professor Danzo rose to his feet. “Now, settle down children!”

Hidan and Deidara crashed into the hall. Deidara was sporting a black eye that he claimed Itachi had given him, but it was actually Sasuke when he managed to catch up with Deidara, still running off in Itachi’s prefect robes.

“Settle down, children,” scowled Danzo.

Deidara climbed down from Hidan’s shoulders, and they slung over to the Gryffindor table.

“It has come to my attention that strange goings-on having been happening in the lake,” announced Professor Danzo. “Combined with recent attacks on magical sea creatures, I thought it wise to call the Ministry of Magic, who sent out some of their members of the department for the Regulation of Magical Creatures. Please, don’t be alarmed by San and Rasa and the rest of their team. Go about your lessons as per usual.”

The door to the Great Hall swung open. Sasori didn’t notice Kisame spilling his tea down his front, and a panicked expression flooding across his face. He sucked in a breath, as a middle-aged man with maroon hair walked in, wearing formal work robes.

“That’s him?” Deidara asked loudly, wrinkling his nose with disappointment. “That’s who Sasori is obsessed with?”

“Hi dad!” waved Gaara from the Hufflepuff table.

Rasa stepped aside, revealing a handsome tall man striding into the hall, wearing navy robes to compliment his yellow eyes and glinting blue-black hair, tied off his face in a topknot but for a few poofy strands around his face. Sasori exhaled deeply.

“They’ll be joining us for breakfast, then beginning their investigation,” finished Professor Danzo, sitting back down.

San and Rasa sat beside Headmistress Tsunade, Professor Jiraiya, while snubbing Professor Danzo. Sasori would have laughed if his heart wasn’t beating so rapidly. He swallowed, and stared at his pumpkin juice.

“Is he rich?” growled Kakuzu.

“Why does that matter?” demanded Sasori.

“Just looking out for you.”

* * *

Kisame grabbed Itachi as they left for class.

“They sent Ministry of Magic people!” he whimpered, his sharp teeth chewing at his lower lip. “What do we do?”

Itachi’s mind raced. He wondered if he and Kisame could get down to the lake and start shrinking the shark again, but knew this time there would be more eyewitnesses. And they would be incriminating themselves.

“We’ll go to lessons,” said Itachi. “And just play it cool. The shark is smart, he’ll go down deep where they can’t find him. It’s only us he comes up for.”

Kisame nodded.

“We’ll be fine,” said Itachi. “Just act normal, and we’ll get Shisui to fly in on his broom to pick up the shark later. We could…maybe distract the ministry people and they’ll go away.”

Kisame nodded. He and Itachi quickly hugged, before running off to class. Kisame could barely concentrate on what his teachers were saying, as all he could think about was the shark, how he was going to get it out of the lake, and if hiding it in the bathtub would be a viable solution in the meantime. Deidara wouldn’t be impressed after a while when he realised he couldn’t wash his hair, but perhaps if Kisame asked Itachi nicely, he’d give him the password to the prefect bathrooms.

By the time lunch rolled around, Kisame picked at his food.

“Hey,” said Itachi, sitting down next to him at the Gryffindor table. “Look. There’s San having lunch. He looks completely unbothered. I doubt they’ve even found the shark, in fact I doubt anyone has even noticed-”

The doors of the Great Hall swung open.

“SHAAAAAAAARK!” screamed Rasa, running full speed between the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor table. “IN THE GREAT LAKE! SHARK IN THE GREAT LAKE!”

He stopped midway up the aisle, and in front of his kids Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, his boss, San, the whole teaching staff, and the rest of the students in Hogwarts, teetered on his heels.

“Thought you ought to know,” he muttered, before collapsing face down on the floor.

Immediately the students leapt upright, and became to scream, apart from Kisame and Itachi, who stared at each other in horror.

“SILENCE!” roared Professor Tsunade, clamouring up onto the teachers’ table. The students swallowed their cries. “All of you will be escorted back to your dormitories by the prefects in your house. Lessons are cancelled while we investigate the shark. None of you are to leave your dormitories.”

“That’s me,” whispered Itachi. “I have to take the Ravenclaws back to the dormitory.”

“I’ll go alone,” said Kisame. “There’s no more time. I don’t care if they see me. He’s my shark and I have to protect him!”

“Do your best,” said Itachi. “You’re powerful. I believe in you.”

Kisame watched as Itachi gathered all of the Ravenclaws, and began to heard them up to Ravenclaw dormitories. He clutched his wand, and turned, running away from the Gryffindor prefects and the herd of students moving in the other direction. There were a few stranglers still outside, but they were drawn away by the noise and the rabble inside.

Kisame stopped at the edge of the lake, and realised he’d forgotten to bring some meat. He whistled, hoping the shark would hear.

He waited for several, long moments.

Eventually, the water gurgled, and a dorsal fin prodded up. Kisame gasped. He had returned to his normal size, no wonder Rasa had so easily spotted him! The shark snapped and snarled, his teeth gnashing.

“Hey…it’s me,” said Kisame gently. There was a nick below the shark’s eye, as if someone had thrown something. Kisame knew that a shark’s eye was its most vulnerable part. Someone had made an attempt at hurting him.

The shark snapped again, powerful jaws stretched wise, and Kisame realised, in that moment, that as much as he loved the shark, it didn’t belong here. Itachi was right. The shark was meant to swim the wide oceans, not a lake. The seas were the kingdom of the shark, not a school. He swallowed, feeling twinges of guilt.

“It’s me,” Kisame said softly, stepping forward, his wand out. The shark stopped, and stared at him with baleful eyes. “Hey buddy. Daddy’s going to take you home.” 

* * *

Sasori didn’t want to go and sit in the boring Slytherin common room. He stepped over Rasa, conveniently left on the hallway, and followed after where San and the teachers had gone, almost immediately encountering Tsunade and Jiraiya arguing on the stairs.

“A shark? A shark? How the hell did that get here? Jiraiya, this better not be one of your stupid attempts to get new creatures for the students to study, they are XXXXX on the danger scale! And you saw the state of the giant squid with me!”

“I did not bring the shark!” protested Jiraiya. “I don’t even like sharks, I like toads. Why don’t you ask Orochimaru? He let a basilisk out-”

Sasori easily passed them, spotting Orochimaru standing at the window, gazing out at the lake wistfully and with a hungry eye. Sasori ignored him, since Orochimaru was his least favourite teacher, even if he was head of Slytherin house. He found his way up to an empty classroom, where San sat perched at the desk, flipping through a book in one hand, and tapping notes with a quill.

He lifted his head when Sasori arrived. “Hello little bean.”

“I’m not a bean,” retorted Sasori.

“Well, you’ll always be a little bean to me,” said San.

“I’ve grown,” insisted Sasori.

“A little,” admitted San. He laid his book open on the desk behind him. Sasori noticed that the page was on megalodons, and thought of Kisame’s shark. But he pushed that aside. He was here now, with San. And he was going to make the most of their time together.

Sasori remembered peeking behind his Granny Chiyo’s skirts, freshly orphaned, to meet the tall, handsome man from the ministry who’d come to dinner. San knelt to Sasori’s height to introduce himself, and then asked Sasori what he liked playing. Sasori had always been shy and reserved since his parents had passed, but within minutes, he was clamouring over San, asking questions about the creatures that San worked with, revelling in the attention.

“How’s class?” asked San. “This is your last year, right?”

“It is,” replied Sasori, hitching himself up onto the desk beside San.

“Are you going to miss Hogwarts?”

“No,” scoffed Sasori, crossing one leg over the over. “I can’t wait to leave.”

San chuckled. “You’ll miss it when you’re older.”

“There’s nothing to miss here.”

“What about your friends?” asked San.

“Oh. Them,” said Sasori. He hadn’t really thought about it. Sometimes he thought of his friends as being a stop-gap, until he could be out on his own and living the life he wanted.

“Yes, them,” San elbowed him. “How are they?”

Sasori thought about the business he ran with Kakuzu, about his arguments with Deidara, the times in charms class he worked with Konan. A strange ache began in his chest, that he quickly pushed aside.

“They’re fine,” shrugged Sasori.

“Have you been to Hogsmeade yet?”

“No.”

“Has the quidditch tournament started? Are you watching?”

“Yes and no,” said Sasori. He hated himself for giving such boring answers, but couldn’t understand why San was asking such boring questions. But at the same time, the attention sent floods of warmth through Sasori’s body, and he wished he could be closer to San, wished he could feel his skin against his. The ache was so painful, and Sasori just didn’t want to wait. Not any longer.

And so Sasori swallowed.

“How’s work?” he asked.

“It’s been really manic these past few weeks, although the last thing I expected was to be called to Hogwarts to investigate a shark of all things…”

Sasori licked his lips. “But you’re the perfect man for the job.”

“You’re a sweet kid, Sasori.”

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“I suppose not,” admitted San. “You’re a charming young man, then.”

Sasori couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear waiting. He didn’t care about Kisame’s stupid shark and why San was really here. He wanted San now.

And with that, he tilted his head to the side, and gently leaned upwards, lightly parting his lips. A warmth began to tingle in a pool in his belly, and his heartbeat slowed, but became more audible. He smelt San’s warm, spicy aftershave, and then felt their lips brush together. This had to be what bliss felt like.

“For god’s sake, Sasori!” spluttered San.

Sasori felt himself shoved away, and the warmth that pooled in his belly flooded away. His heart hammered. This had all gone wrong…completely wrong…

“What are you playing at?” demanded San.

“I love you!” blurted out Sasori. “I’ve always loved you. All these years. Since the moment we met. We’re meant to be together.”

“What? No. No, no, _no_ , Sasori. You were a kid.”

“You were kind to me,” said Sasori.

“Because you were an orphaned kid.”

Sasori’s stomach plummeted to the ground, and his vision began to blur with horror.

San didn’t love him.

San had… _pitied_ him.

When Sasori spoke again, his voice was small and tiny. “But I love you.”

“No, you don’t, Sasori,” said San firmly, seating Sasori down in a chair opposite him. “You’ve got a little crush, that’s all. It happens to most teenagers.”

“I’m not just some teenager!” protested Sasori. “I’m not like them!”

San gave him a look that meant that he thought that Sasori definitely was.

Sasori swallowed, and quickly blinked away tears that threatened to fall.

“Listen,” said San, not unkindly. He handed Sasori a handkerchief from inside his robes, and patted his shoulder. “You’re a talented, bright, young man, who’s going to go far. You don’t even need me. I’m a boring old middle-aged Ministry of Magic department head. You’re going to stay here at Hogwarts, and be with people your own age, and fall in love with another crazy artist. And you’re going to drive each other mad, but love each other deeply.”

“I don’t want some stupid idiot my own age!” protested Sasori. “I need you. We understand each other.”

“No, Sasori,” said San gently. “No. You’re a bit lonely, and you’ve latched onto me.”

Sasori hated to admit it, but San was right. He felt very, very stupid. He reluctantly lifted the handkerchief, and dabbed away the leaking tears.

“Yes,” Sasori whispered, finally admitting it out loud. “I’m lonely. I have no one.” 

* * *

“That’s it, go in the common room!” urged Itachi, herding all of the students in. Konan watched them file up the stairs, and then turned back to Itachi. “I’m going to check on Kisame.”

“I didn’t see you go,” said Konan, turning away from him.

Itachi ran back down the stairs two at a time, before colliding straight into Professor Danzo.

“Professor!” he yelped.

“I see you are escorting the students back to their rooms,” said Danzo, his eyes roving over Itachi keenly.

“Sure! I’m just looking for stragglers,” Itachi quickly responded.

“Of course you are,” said Professor Danzo. “Headmistress Tsunade’s office. Now.”

Itachi opened and closed his mouth.

He walked the rest of the way to the Headmistress’s office. Danzo tapped behind Itachi, so that even as Itachi led the way, he felt the old man’s eyes boring onto the back of his neck. He climbed up the stairs, one heavy foot at a time, before discovering Professor Orochimaru, Professor Jiraiya, Headmistress Tsunade, and San from the ministry department for the Control and Regulation of Magical Creatures.

“Well,” said Danzo. “Our prefect Itachi here has something he wants to say.”

Itachi sucked on his lower lip.

He didn’t want to say anything.

“Go on, my boy,” crooned Professor Danzo. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

Professor Jiraiya knew about the shark. Professor Orochimaru also knew about the shark. It was no secret from them. Itachi liked Professor Jiraiya and didn’t want to get him in trouble. He didn’t like Professor Orochimaru and suspected he had malicious intentions towards the shark. Itachi chewed his lip, trying to decide what to do.

“What is it, lad?” asked San, glancing up. His poofy navy hair looked rumpled, and his top knot askew, as if he had been running his hands through his hair in turmoil. “You can tell us.”

“Itachi, what do you know about this?” asked Headmistress Tsunade.

This had gone too far. Itachi had tried to help Kisame, but it was no good. This was magic and a magical creature far beyond what either of them could handle.

“Headmistress Tsunade,” he mumbled quietly, addressing his concerns to who he hoped would be the most sympathetic. “On the Hogwarts Express…Kisame Hoshigaki smuggled a megalodon into the school.”

“He smuggled a _megalodon_?” repeated San. “Those are huge. How did a school boy smuggle one of those?”

“He’s really good with sea creatures!” cried Itachi. “He really cares about them and they love him. He didn’t realise how dangerous it was.”

“Didn’t realise how dangerous it was?” repeated Danzo.

“He finds them…cute,” explained Itachi.

Headmistress Tsunade groaned and put her head in her hands. “Why didn’t we spot this sooner?”

“Because you were too busy drinking and gambling,” replied Danzo.

Tsunade glanced back up and glowered at him. “I don’t drink or gamble during term time.”

“Kisame is a talented and powerful young wizard,” said Jiraiya. “You know what they say, the young always surpass the old. No wonder he could slip it past us.”

“If anything, I’m less concerned about a young wizard who cares about magical creatures than a young wizard who makes inappropriate overtures towards an adult,” said Orochimaru. “We need to discuss what to do with young Sasori. I think we should send a letter to his grandmother at once.”

“No,” said Tsunade. “The old bag will pull him out of his school and away from his friends without a second thought. Someone needs to give him the talk.”

“I volunteer Jiraiya,” said Orochimaru.

“I would have thought as Head of Slytherin, you would be more appropriate,” retorted Jiraiya.

“You have similarly aged children of your own and much more experience on such…intimate matters,” said Orochimaru.

“Could we please deal with the magical creature?” asked San. “And not in front of another pupil.”

But Itachi had not heard him. He had already turned on his heel, and bounded down the stairs again. He’d had enough. Throughout his entire time at Hogwarts, he and his family members had been bullied by Danzo. And regardless of what he did or whatever happened, Danzo would always be out for him, looking for some way to humiliate him a little further. And Itachi was sick of it.

Sasori sat on the bottom of the steps, with Deidara beside him. Deidara had wrapped one arm around his shoulders, and dabbed at Sasori’s eyes with a handkerchief. Sasori wasn’t even complaining about the drooling mouths.

“Lake,” said Itachi, and they didn’t need to be told twice.

Kakuzu and Hidan emerged from the kitchens where they’d been helping themselves to food, Nagato and Yahiko joined them from the Hufflepuff common rooms, and Konan clacked down the stairs from the Ravenclaw tower. All eight of them headed straight towards the lake, where Kisame towered above Rasa.

Rasa’s wand was outstretched, but so was Kisame’s. There was a powerful, defiant look in Kisame’s eyes, and protectiveness too.

“Expelliarmus!” cried Konan, and Rasa’s wand flew into her own hand.

Rasa yelped at being best by a school girl, but then Itachi yelled “Stupefy!” and Rasa slumped on the ground.

“They’ll find him later,” shrugged Sasori.

The megalodon snapped up out of the lake.

“This is our only chance, Kisame,” said Itachi. “We need to shrink the shark, and get him out of here.”

“Let’s do it all together,” said Yahiko, pulling out his wand.

Kisame nodded, and stood back. They waved their wands, and shouted “Reducio!”

Soon the shark was little more than the size of a minnow. Kisame knelt at the edge of the water and caught him in his hands, before slipping him back into his bag.

“Now, run,” said Kakuzu. “We’ll take care of the rest.”

Itachi took Kisame’s hand, and waved his wand, summoning Izumi’s broomstick. She would definitely be mad at him for borrowing it, but he was out of options, and soon be expelled from Hogwarts anyway. He and Kisame clamoured on top, and Itachi kicked off, soaring and soaring away into the sky. 

* * *

By the side of the North Sea, Itachi brought the broom to rest on the shingled beach. There was a fresh, briny scent to the air, and the cawing of seagulls. The sea was a grey-blue, lapping against the pebbles, while an autumn breeze whipped over the waves towards them.

“I’m sorry,” said Kisame.

“Don’t be,” said Itachi, his silky black hair lifting on the wind and dancing to the playful breeze. “You were worried someone would capture him.”

“No, I was selfish,” admitted Kisame. “I was lonely, and I just wanted him.”

“You can’t be lonely anymore, Kisame. You have me,” Itachi leaned up, and pulled Kisame’s blunt jaw down to kiss him properly. When he pulled away for air, he nuzzled his nose against Kisame’s, before curling in beneath Kisame’s chin for a cuddle. He felt Kisame press a kiss to his forehead, and run his hand in a comforting circle on his back.

“Let’s release the shark,” said Kisame.

He reached into his bag, and pulled out the shark. He bent down into the waters, and the shark flipped and wiggled with joy as the waves took him. Kisame leant forwards, nuzzling his nose against the shark’s nose in farewell, before sitting back upright.

“Engorgio!” said Kisame, watching him increase in size. The shark turned away, swimming deeper into the sea, growing and growing as he went, until all that could be spotted was one single dorsal fin.

Itachi propped himself down on the shingled shore, wincing as the rocks dug into his bottom.

“Do you think he’ll miss me?” asked Kisame.

“I think so,” said Itachi. As Kisame sat down next to him, Itachi snuggled under one arm, and they listened to the waves crash against the shore for a while.

“I don’t know where I’m going to go now if I’m going to be expelled,” said Kisame. “I can’t go back to the kids’ home.”

“I suppose I’ll have to go back to my parents,” sighed Itachi.

“They’ll look after you, I know they will.”

“There’s something I found out you might want to know,” admitted Itachi.

“Oh?” asked Kisame.

“It’s about your parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sasori :((((((
> 
> And poor Kisame and Itachi, having to say goodbye to the shark! Do you think they will be expelled?


	7. A History of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After releasing the megalodon, Itachi and Kisame return to Hogwarts to face the consequences...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay, last chapter! Exciting times :D
> 
> I can't wait for you all to see what happens! And let me know what you think of the ending! <3

Kisame let Itachi land the broom back down in Hogwarts. It was already dark, but neither of them said anything. Kisame was mute from the revelations of what had happened with his parents. It made sense, of course, and he felt a sting of pride in his heritage. But the upset of displacement from the magical community that he belonged to and his feelings of loneliness swelled and swirled in his heart.

“So…” Itachi swallowed. “This is it. They’re going to expel us. I know it.”

“I’m sorry,” said Kisame, reaching for his hand. “I shouldn’t have…but whatever happens, I’m thankful to have you for my friend. And I love you.”

Itachi curled his smaller fingers inside of Kisame’s. “I love you too.”

Kisame squeezed Itachi’s hand. Maybe if they were both expelled, they could leave Hogwarts and live together. Kisame knew that he would like that.

“Well, let’s go and face the consequences,” said Itachi. “I’m not looking forward to seeing Danzo’s face.”

A long shadow began to draw near.

“Here he comes-” began Kisame, but then stopped, blinking. The shadow seemed too short to be Danzo, and went the light hit them, revealed it to be someone completely different. “Um…hey Izumi!”

Izumi stared straight through him, and threw an angry dark glare at Itachi. _“That’s my broom.”_

“Would you like it back?” asked Itachi, offering it out.

“You got Deidara to take Polyjuice potions and pretend to be you at my Quidditch match,” retorted Izumi, putting her hands on her hips and glowering up at them. “And now you’ve stolen my broom?”

“I’m sorry,” said Itachi. “How did you know it was Deidara?”

“He didn’t know what Hogwarts house your parents were in,” scorned Izumi. “Of course I knew it wasn’t you. And then he started telling Sasuke that he was an accident baby and that your mother wanted a girl?”

“Well, she did kind of want a girl, because I was a boy, but I wanted a brother, and mum loves him anyway, so yes and no?”

Izumi rolled her eyes. “I’m taking back my broom.”

Itachi handed it back to her, and she stormed off.

“Oh dear,” muttered Itachi.

They continued on their way into the castle.

There was the familiar tapping of Danzo’s cane.

“Uchiha. Hoshigaki,” he stated. “The Headmistress’s office. Now.”

Itachi squeezed Kisame’s fingers again, and Kisame watched him set his shoulders resolutely. Together, they climbed the stairs up to the Headmistress’s office, where Tsunade sat behind the desk, Professor Orochimaru perched on the edge of the desk, his legs crossed and arms folded. Professor Jiraiya sprawled across the sofa, while San sat beside him, twirling two magnetic charms between his hands.

The rest of Itachi and Kisame’s friends sat on stools, their arms folded. Sasori’s cheeks were red, while Deidara glared at San, Hidan was fidgeting, Kakuzu sat still, Yahiko sat with his head down and one hand on Konan’s knee, as she sat with her head high, coolly averting any glare from the teachers, whilst Nagato hugged his knees to his chest.

Someone had had the sense to rescue Rasa, and he sat in an armchair stewing over a cup of tea, looking very much like he wanted a hot bath and a hot meal.

But, worst of all, Itachi’s parents stood in their auror robes, and neither of them looked particularly happy.

Danzo stood before the gathering of adults.

“Both Mr. Uchiha and Mr. Hoshigaki are guilty of smuggling in and harbouring the megalodon,” announced Danzo smugly. “For the safety of the school, they have earned themselves an expulsion. Each. And as for the rest of the group, attacking a ministry official, I would put them all in detention for the rest of term and remove any prefect or Head Boy or Head Girl privileges.”

“Now, now,” said San, tucking away his magnetic charms. “Let’s not be so hasty. Why not ask both lads where they found the shark and why they decided to bring it to Hogwarts?”

“Itachi didn’t find the megalodon, sir!” blurted out Kisame. “It was all me. He had nothing to do with it. I found it in the North Sea while I was on holiday with the children’s home. And he was all alone and I was worried someone would hurt him, so I shrunk him and put him in my bag.”

“And then why was Mr. Uchiha assisting you?” scowled Danzo.

“He didn’t want me to be in trouble,” swallowed Kisame. “I thought I was helping the megalodon. And he liked me. He thought I was his dad.”

Fugaku had a horrified expression on his face.

“And what about your friends?” demanded Danzo.

“We thought you were going to kill it!” cried Kisame. “He doesn’t deserve to die.”

“I wouldn’t have killed it,” said San gently. “Unless it posed a live threat. Rare creatures like that are to be studied, understood. The megalodon didn’t hurt any students. I’m impressed that you, Kisame, a student, were able to handle an XXXXX rated creature. Perhaps you ought to tell my department your secrets, or we should revise the danger rating.”

“This isn’t some jolly schoolboy prank!” snapped Danzo. “This is a dangerous animal brought onto school premises! It’s against every school rule there is!”

“Technically, there are no rules that say you can’t keep a shark in the lake,” added Orochimaru.

“Says the boy who let a basilisk out!” hissed Danzo.

“I don’t identify as a boy,” said Orochimaru.

The corner of Danzo’s mouths downturned.

“Technically, there are no rules on a lot of things,” added Jiraiya. Hidan and Deidara exchanged a glance, and then a sly grin.

“It is pretty self-explanatory that bringing a shark as a pet is not a safe thing to do!” finished Tsunade.

“But he didn’t hurt anyone!” protested Kisame.

“The squid was attacked,” retorted Danzo. “The squid, which has resided peacefully in the lake since I was a boy and Headmaster Tobirama used to run the school, and never caused an ounce of trouble other than stealing Kagami Uchiha’s sandwich, was attacked! The bite marks!”

“Speaking of bitemarks,” frowned Tsunade. “Jiraiya and I treated the squid. And compared the bitemarks with some images that San provided of a megalodon’s jaw that were discovered on the seabed. They don’t match.”

“If anything, the bitemarks looked more like lacerations from a magical enchantment,” said San, climbing up and removing a scroll from his sleeve. He slapped it down on the desk in front of Danzo, showing a steadily moving drift of water over a large jaw of teeth. “I even took the opportunity to look at the healed marks on the tentacles. A very good joint effort, if I may say so myself, Headmistress and Professor.”

“We’re quite the team,” said Jiraiya, slinging an arm around Tsunade’s shoulders. She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him. “Even when she’s punching me off the Astronomy Tower-”

“Excuse me,” added Orochimaru.

“Oh, and Orochimaru too!” Jiraiya slung an arm around Orochimaru’s shoulders, before all three of them turned to Danzo. “That leaves just one culprit. That’s you, Danzo. Did you attack the squid?”

“Perhaps you ought to start thinking about retirement, Professor Danzo,” said San. “I remember when you taught me History of Magic. I thought you were old even then.”

Kisame clenched Itachi’s hand, and squeezed it.

“A seventeen year old boy with a good heart may make mistakes,” said Jiraiya. “But a seventy year old man who ought to know better should not. And attacking the squid to frame students you dislike so you can expel them is not acceptable.”

“I want your letter of resignation,” announced Mikoto.

“As do I,” said Fugaku.

“No one frames my boy,” said Mikoto.

“Is there no punishment for the illegal act of smuggling in a shark?” demanded Danzo.

“Megalodons have been thought to be extinct for over thousands of years, so there isn’t actually any legislation regarding them at all. In theory, you could legally keep a megalodon in your bathtub, though not advisable,” added Rasa, gazing up over his tea.

“How about attacking a ministry official?” went on Danzo.

“I’ve decided not to press any charges. I’m a father of three, I’ve experienced worse,” Rasa’s shoulders slumped.

Mikoto held out a piece of parchment and a quill to Danzo.

“Resign,” she ordered.

“I’m ready to accept your resignation,” said Tsunade. “A fresh face is what we need to run our History of Magic classes.”

“I think that will be fitting,” said San.

“I’ll tell the Ministry about this!” scowled Danzo.

“We are the Ministry,” reminded Mikoto.

Danzo swallowed, and unhappily took the parchment and quill, before writing.

_‘Dear Headmistress Tsunade,_

_I, Danzo Shimura, hereby offer my resignation from the position of teacher of History of Magic, with immediate effect._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Danzo Shimura’_

Danzo handed it to Tsunade, who immediately filed it away.

“That is all, Danzo. You may pack your things,” said Tsunade.

Danzo clacked away. Kisame watched the expression on Itachi’s face relax, and his hold on his hand loosened.

“As for you two,” began Tsunade. “For a prefect and both students in your seventh year, with NEWTs around the corner, I would have expected far greater common sense and behaviour. Just imagine the trouble that the megalodon could have caused. Fortunately, I am prepared to give such talented young wizards the benefit of the doubt, rather than risk your futures, and fortunately, my colleagues and the ministry, and your parents, agree with me. If I ever see so much as another non-native sea creature in the lake or in my school, I will haul you both up here right away, and god knows what would happen to you then!”

“I’m sorry, Headmistress!” cried Kisame. “But can I still keep my grindylows?”

Tsunade shook her head. “Fine.”

She turned back to the rest of the group.

“As for all of you, Hidan and Deidara, please explain to me why I am not even surprised you got involved? Nagato, Konan, Yahiko, I am surprised and disappointed in all three of you. I would have expected you to know better and to have reported the shark to me at once. I have a good mind to take back that those Head Girl and Boy badges if it weren’t for the fact I know I’ll have charmed origami chasing me through the castle. Sasori, Professor Orochimaru will speak to you later, and Kakuzu? How much did they pay you?”

“Nothing,” admitted Kakuzu. “But I’ll make them an invoice later.”

“Out,” ordered Tsunade. “All of you apart from Sasori.”

They climbed up, with Deidara gently patting Sasori’s shoulder, the drooling mouth leaving a wet patch on Sasori’s robes. Sasori winced at it disgustedly, but then patted Deidara’s hand in gratitude.

“Oh!” interrupted Fugaku, glowering at Deidara. “What’s this I’ve been hearing about you impersonating my eldest son and telling my youngest son that we didn’t want him?”

“Just a wild guess really, yeah,” shrugged Deidara.

“You’d better run,” warned Fugaku.

Deidara lifted his hand mouth and made it blow a loud, wet raspberry at Fugaku. Fugaku’s mouth stayed in a hard, straight line, and his eyes bored through Deidara, completely and utterly unimpressed. Deidara lowered his hand, realising that he hadn’t provoked the reaction he wanted. He turned on his heel, scarpering down the stairs after Hidan.

Meanwhile, Mikoto leant up and touched Itachi’s hair. “You are one lucky boy.”

Itachi bent down and kissed Mikoto’s forehead.

“Well, Kisame, I’m always on the lookout for young fresh talent to join my department,” San pulled out his magnetic charms, and began to twirl them again. “Would you consider undertaking an apprenticeship in magizoology at the Ministry after you’ve completed your studies here at Hogwarts? You could specialise in sea creatures.”

Kisame nodded eagerly. “Yes please sir!”

Fugaku made a noise. “Well. At least my son will be able to see his boyfriend everyday while he’s working as well. I nearly had a desk cleared for you next to Shisui’s earlier today. At least you won’t be needing it for a while.”

“No dad,” said Itachi firmly. “That’s not what I want.”

“Eh? Well, what do you want?” asked Fugaku.

“I don’t know yet,” admitted Itachi. “But I’m sure I’ll find out.”

* * *

_Many years later…_

“Bag?” asked Itachi.

“Here,” sighed Shizuma, showing it to Itachi.

“Suitcase?”

“Here!” repeated Shizuma, patting the case in front of him.

“Wand?”

Shizuma pulled it out. “In my pocket!”

“Drink?”

Shizuma shook the back. “In the bag!”

“Quidditch uniform?” asked Itachi.

“In the suitcase!” Shizuma replied.

“I’m sure the lad has everything he needs,” Kisame reached across and ruffled their son’s hair. Even in the crowds, he towered above everyone else, while Itachi clung to his side.

Itachi pursed his lips. “I haven’t ironed your socks or anything, Shizuma, are you sure you’re going to be ok?”

“Dad! I don’t need ironed socks!” protested Shizuma. “Only Nanny would do that.”

“We better get you on the train then, young man,” said Kisame.

Shizuma put down his bag and wrapped his arms around Kisame’s middle, snuggling his face against Kisame’s hard muscled chest.

“Bye son,” said Kisame, a lump catching in his throat.

“Dad,” complained Shizuma, lifting his head again to sulk at Kisame with his large blue eyes. “It’s not like this is my first year!”

“I know, but I miss you,” swallowed Kisame.

“I miss you too,” admitted Itachi, combing Shizuma’s dark curls away from his face. “Don’t forget to give Headmaster Naruto our love!”

Shizuma gagged. “Ew, dad! I’m not giving Headmaster Naruto _love_!”

“Be nice to your cousin Sarada! I’m not telling you twice!” warned Itachi.

“I’m always nice!” protested Shizuma.

There was a whistle, and Shizuma grabbed his bag and suitcase, leapt up and gave Itachi and Kisame a kiss on each cheek, before jumping onto the train. Steam billowed down the platform, but Shizuma stuck his head out of the window and waved to Itachi and Kisame. With a final wave, he ducked back inside, finding his way to a compartment where Buntan was sitting waiting for him.

Buntan gave him a devious grin, which Shizuma returned.

“So, did you…?” she trailed off.

Shizuma opened his bag, and a dorsal fin prodded out.

“Of course!” he beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along on this ride! I really loved combining two of my favourite fandoms and making this mega au, in fact I think i'd love to make fics about the other characters in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! <3
> 
> I would LOVE to know your thoughts on how I've adapted the Akatsuki for Hogwarts!


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